Don't Suffer in Silence - Enough is Enough Blog

February 28, 2011

The Power of One

Just like thoughts and ideas, a single seed has the power to feed; to save lives and change the world.

The power of one - a single starting point.

One seed
One thought
One idea
One vision
One change
One voice
One cry
One moment
One step
One life

The Power of one

February 18, 2011

Workplace Harassment and Bullying

Harassment or bullying in the workplace is very common.

It can create confusion as it is often initially very hard to understand, bullying behaviours can be quite illogical and manipulative. A lot of time and energy can go into trying to understand or finding a 'reason' for such conduct.
Help can come from you immediate Manager, Human Resources, Employment Assistance Program or the Union. Grievance procedures can be followed if you being unfairly treated by a colleague.

There are typical behaviours to look out for, such as:

Controlling situations regardless of other people's opinions or input
Finding fault, flaws and potential errors as a pattern
Approval seeking behaviours
Seeking attention at all costs, cannot stand being overlooked or ignored
Threatening behaviours
Covert or inappropriate responses or behaviours
Creating divisions with other work colleagues
Inappropriate humour

Bullying behaviours in the workplace are a distortion of what would be logical reactions and responses of the need to be successful in the working environment. The bully often appears organised and is convincing. Dealing with bullying behaviour can take a lot of strength and evergy to endure.

Once the feelings and understanding of bullying and harassment have been identified the following ways of dealing with it are important:

Stop trying to understand or make sense of the illogical, confusing behaviours' of the bully
Don't get sucked into believing it's your fault
Don't confront a bully, if required always have a third person attending
Keep all evidence eg. diarise, take copies of emails, phone messages etc. (don't rely on your memory)
Avoid isolation, stay in contact with supportive people
Care for yourself with relaxation and pleasurable activities in your life outside work
Use a personal journal of your thoughts and feelings
Be prepared to leave or resign if you need to, however make sure you leave with all your entitlements and get help from the appropriate people if needed

Seek professional help to make sense of what's happening and regain strength and confidence. Contact us for our programs, support groups and Counselling services on 02 9542 4029 or visit our website www.enoughisenough.org.au.

Deborah, Counsellor at Enough is Enough

February 16, 2011

Goal Setting (video)

Do you want to achieve something beyond anything you ever thought possible?

Watch our new inspirational video clip with the content taken from Enough is Enough’s Goal Setting and Achieving Program and accompanied by the “Ordinary Bloke” song, written especially for Enough is Enough Anti Violence by Greg McCosker.

February 14, 2011

Gambling Addiction Australia

Its not really about the machine or the money, it is about the individual and what gambling offers to them

Addictive behaviours include alcohol, gambling, drugs, and sex. Whilst these are quite different manifestations of an underlying problem, their origin can be similar – for example providing an avenue of escape from present or past torment.
Successful therapy for each behavior can also follow similar lines and includes counselling, and support and relapse prevention groups , which we run at Enough is Enough Anti Violence, Sydney (ring 02 9542 4029 for details).

Following is an article about gambling addiction, which is second only to alcohol addiction in the havoc it wreaks on people’s lives.

Gambling Addiction Australia

by Robert Mittiga, Addiction /Codependency Therapist

Gambling addiction is the new disease sweeping through our society today, causing more destruction, human brokenness, family disintegrations, suicides, financial ruin, crime and spiritual bankruptcy than any other addictions in our society today, next to alcohol addiction. Gambling addiction is affecting every sector of our population, and discriminates against no one.

What is gambling addiction?

Clinically, gambling addiction is known as Pathological Gambling Disorder. It has specific diagnostic criteria, and it has a biological effect similar to that seen in cocaine addiction. This is now a scientifically proven fact in the most recent neurological research into Pathological Gambling and addiction.

So why has gambling addiction become a major public health problem in our society? Well this is simple, massive accessibility. A more in depth look reveals other serious reasons behind this question.

Firstly, only 10% of the problem is directly related to the gambling itself, or money, it is about the individual and what gambling offers to them. Ninety percent of gambling addiction today comes from Electronic Gaming Machines or what is commonly referred to as “pokies”. These machines have the addictive properties similar to heroin or “crack cocaine”. For the individual predisposed to addiction, these machines provide high risk of swift and severe addiction.

Many individuals I have seen become severely addicted to this form of gambling within 6 months of first playing the machines. They display the severity of addiction similar to heroin and cocaine addicts, along with similar withdrawal symptoms, once they choose to stop. Also the suicide rate is 5 times greater than any other addiction.

So we are talking about a very serious public health problem. Unfortunately most of the general society in Australia still sees gambling addiction as some form of moral weakness or some flaw in some human beings. This is sadly is a big mistake.

We highly recommend to read:
How to be happy:Joy - How it works

How it begins?

Gambling addiction, like drug and alcohol addiction begins with intensely negative childhood experiences that predispose the individual to high levels of negative affect. This, in turn, leads to various escape routes, some of which include addictive behaviours. In many recent studies, most individuals affected by Pathological Gambling endorsed dissociative items more frequently. These items referred to feeling like a different person while gambling, feeling in a trance after a period of gambling, feeling outside oneself while gambling, and experiencing memory blackouts after a period of gambling.

Some of the underlying issues linked to gambling addiction, are similar to those found with drug and alcohol addiction. They include sexual and physical child abuse, emotional and spiritual abuse, domestic violence issues, childhood neglect and general family of origin disfunctionallity. The result of these issues in childhood creates a retardation of emotional development being carried into adulthood.

Gambling, as with any other addictive behaviour, provides the escape or coping mechanisms for the individual. This however only works for a short period of time usually, and eventually creates more pain, thus leaving the individual with more and more need to escape or medicate with the gambling behaviour, until finally they cross the biological threshold of full blown addiction. At this point serious and irreversible alteration of brain chemistry occurs.

The individual generally will continue on this process until an intervention of some sort occurs. Usually this will only happen when the individual is in great despair, with usually financial and emotional crisis. Unfortunately some people see suicide as the only way out, and there is plenty of evidence to back that up, with many clients reporting attempts of suicide prior to seeking treatment.

Some of the indicators of Pathological Gambling:

1. Preoccupation with gambling (e.g., preoccupation with reliving past gambling experiences, planning the next venture, or thinking of ways to get money to gamble)

2. Need to gamble with increasing amounts of money to achieve the desired level of excitement

3. Has repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back or stop gambling

4. It restless or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop gambling

5. Gambles as a way of escaping from problems, painful emotions, or to relieve a dsyphoric mood (feelings of helplessness, anxiety, guilt or depression)

6. After losing money gambling, often returns another day to get even (chasing ones loses)

7. Lies to family members, therapist or others to conceal the extent of involvement with gambling

8. May commit illegal acts such as forgery, fraud, theft, or embezzlement to finance gambling

9. Jeopardized or lost significant relationship, job, or educational or career opportunity because of gambling

10. Relies on others to provide money to relieve a desperate financial situation because of gambling
If you answer Yes to at least 5 or more criteria, then it is probable you have Pathological Gambling Disorder. We would strongly encourage you to seek professional help immediately. Pathological Gambling is treatable and recovery is possible. However there must be a strong desire for change before recovery can be effective.

Treatment

Treatment includes first breaking the addictive cycle, followed by emotional work and cognitive corrective work, and finally spiritual work. Real recovery from gambling addiction will take most individuals up to 2 years of solid work to achieve a high level of healthy ongoing recover after abstinence from gambling is achieved. Unfortunately there are no “quick fixes” and a controlled return to gambling is not an option for the clinically diagnosed Pathological Gambler.

January 27, 2011

Ego vs Soul

by Justine Musk, http://tiny.cc/dgwfa

The ego is about image.
The soul is about authenticity.

The ego can’t take constructive criticism.
The soul seeks it out and welcomes it.

The ego confuses itself with the work.
The soul stands apart from the work.

The ego wants to be seen as the best.
The soul wants to keep getting better.

The ego is about the number of fans and followers.
The soul is about relatedness and community.

The ego wants to be famous.
The soul wants to start a movement.

The ego is all about me.
The soul promotes self through serving others.

The ego tries to control the message.
The soul trusts the message to take on a life of its own.

The ego talks.
The soul looks and listens.

The ego is closed off.
The soul is open and transparent.

The ego competes and dominates.
The soul co-creates.

The ego lives from scarcity.
The soul lives from abundance.

The ego cares only about the end performance.
The soul is in love with the process.

The ego contracts.
The soul expands.

The ego is spam.
The soul is useful content.

The ego is hollow.
The soul contains multitudes.

A values driven approach to dealing with bullying for victims & perpetrators (video)

Bullying is a big problem with big consequences. It can make you feel hurt, scared, sick and lonely. Building resilience is critical in your long term ability to deal with similar issues. Ken Marslew AM, CEO of EIE speaks from his own experience on dealing with bullying using a values driven approach. Music by Greg McCosker written especially for Enough is Enough Anti Violence Movement.

January 25, 2011

Active Listening

"The proof of good listening is an appropriate response".-
Judi Brownell

Related article: Active Listening as an Anger Management Technique

Active listening is the ability to clearly hear and understand the speaker but also requires the skill of picking up on unspoken messages or meanings.

Michael Hoppe defined active listening in his book, Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead [Centre for Creative Leadership, 2007] as involving: "...paying full and careful attention to the other person, avoiding premature judgment, reflective understanding, clarifying information, summarizing, and sharing."

1. Pay full and careful attention to the other person

Paying attention means concentrating on what the other person is saying and it takes a lot of concentration and determination. There are two big obstacles if you plan to practice good listening skills:
● Your ability to relax. Listening is an active process where you need to let go of your control and give all your attention to the person talking. If you are too stressed, you cannot give your 100% attention
● Your ability to shut down your inner dialogue and focus on the person who is talking.
All too often while in a conversation we tend to get ahead of the topic and spend a lot of mental energy in getting an answer together. When you thus focus on your inner self, you are missing out on the action happening outside of you.
Tip: If you are finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say them - this will reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

2. Avoid premature judgment

In his book Improve Your Communication Skills [Kogan-Page, 2006], Alan Barker puts forward two reasons why people fail to listen. Firstly, people stop paying attention because they are too preoccupied working out a reply. Secondly, Barker believes that people are in a rush to advocate - to tell the other person what they think. If a person has not spent enough time gathering all the facts, then he may reach the wrong conclusions.

Interrupting is a waste of time. From the speaker's perspective, it can be irritating if he is part-way through his point and the listener begins to express her views. The speaker may not actually want the listener to solve his problem, he may simply want to share it. Premature judgment of the situation and moving to solution mode too soon may actually close down a conversation. A good listener will take time to challenge assumptions and uncover the true meaning and feeling behind statements.
Tip: Allow the speaker to finish! Don't interrupt with counter arguments!

3. Reflect understanding

Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said.
  ● Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is." And "Sounds like you are saying" - are great ways to reflect back.
  ● Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say." "Is this what you mean?"
  ● Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.
Tip: If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information. "I may not understand you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXXXXXXXX; is that what you meant?"

4. Respond appropriately

Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
   ● Be honest in your response
    ● Assert your opinions respectfully
    ● Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated

Building Active Listening Skills (IN STEPS)

Step 1: Understanding what is not Active Listening

Remember 5 Don’ts of Listening that can cause the anger reaction during communication:

A Silent listening

N Interruptions and not allowing the speaker to complete his or her thought

G Critical response and teaching – a response that expresses a form of criticism resulting from a natural tendency to judge, approve, or disapprove of a message received

E Advising. It should be given when requested.

Before offering advice , make sure:

that other person really wants to hear your suggestions

the other person is ready to accept it

your advice is correct

that receiver won’t blame you if advice doesn’t work

R Changing the subject or moving in a new direction during conversation

Step 2: Understanding Questioning during Active Listening

During active listening we ask for additional information to get a clear understanding before responding.

Questioning in active listening skills is more about the quality of the question.

Only one question should be asked at a time and, if necessary, unclear responses should be played back to check understanding. If there is something you do not understand, then ask your partner to rephrase, restate, or repeat the statement.

The two main approaches are to use open and probe questions.

Open questions are general not specific. They provide room for people to decide how they should be answered and encourage them to talk freely.
Open questions help to create an atmosphere of calm, for example:

● What do you feel about that?

● Tell me, why do you think that happened?

● Tell me, how did you handle that situation?

Probe questions seek specific information on what has happened and why. They can:

● show interest and encouragement: “I see, and then what?”

● seek further information by asking “Why?” or “Why not?” or “ What do you mean?”

● reflect views: “Have I got the right impression, do you feel that..?”

Combine your questioning skills with body language because it will communicate an interest towards your partner. Make good eye contact. Face your partner and show the person you are their primary concern.

Step 3: Understanding Summarizing Technique

Summarizing involves rephrasing what the person has said in your own words.

The secret here is “in your own words” and without adding any justification or interpretation. Summarizing is a great technique because it develops a connection and builds intimacy in your relationship. The other person hears your summary of what he or she said and knows you understand or will then restate what you do misunderstand.

Here are some examples:

Paraphrase back what the other person has said with phrases such as:

● ” What I hear you saying is...” OR You can use a phrase like the following:

"I'm going to repeat in my own words what I just heard you say to make sure that I understand what you're saying. Please correct me if I misinterpret anything you've said."

● When someone criticizes you, refrain from reacting defensively using the next steps:

1. Hear them out, wait until she or he finish, look for a core of truth in what they’re saying

2. Agree with that using summarizing technique: “It is true that I leave my clothes on the floor.”

3. If you do not agree with another’s person’s point of view, acknowledge nojudgmentally that your view is different from theirs: “But I disagree with you when you say...”

When someone is speaking, wait until she or he finished before you begin to speak

Step 4: Empathizing (empathic listening and empathic response)

Empathizing identifies with speaker’s emotions and opinions. Through empathic listening the listener lets the speaker know,

“I understand your problem and how you feel about it, I am interested in what you are saying and I am not judging you.”

The listener conveys this message through words and non-verbal behaviours, including body language. The listener encourages the speaker to fully express herself or himself free of interruption, criticism or being told what to do. Empathic listening requires an actual acceptance of the speaker’s feelings, no matter how different they may be from the listener’s. Acceptance does not mean agreement; it does not mean the listener has to agree. It simply means showing personal acceptance and concern for the speaker’s point of view:

“I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to help you resolve this problem.”

Here is some examples of empathic responses:

● Use of brief responses like “ I see”, “Wow”, “OUCH”, “My Goodness”

● “ I can see that really hurts”

● “I know how important that was to you”

● “ I think I’ve felt that way too”

Responses like the following are not empathic responses:

“Don’t worry about it”

“It’s nothing to get so upset about”

“That is a silly way to feel”

Step 5: Practice with your partner!

Active listening does not come naturally – it is a learned skill. It is an active process that must be practiced and practiced. Mastering the art of active listening is similar to mastering the art of driving a car. In the beginning you learned the necessary skills, but you still really have to concentrate on every aspect of doing it, and continuing practice, driving becomes your second nature.

Exercise:

1. Find a subject on which you and your partner seem to disagree – a moral issue, philosophical or personal task

2. A makes a statement, B paraphrases the idea and feedback to A (only what B has heard without adding any interpretation or justification)

3. A responds to B whether the response was accurate or what change needs to be done

4. B then summarised the revised statement or uses right questions for clarifying information, again check till B and A understands correctly

5. B and A can reverse role and repeat the process

Conclusion:

How do A and B feel? Is there A greater understanding? Do they feel better? How such techniques can be helpful in life?

We would like to finish this article with the quote by David Roush, National Juveline Detention Association, which states that active listening may not just clarify thinking and provide a necessary emotional release, but facilitates problem - solving :

"When in doubt about what to do, use active listening."

Resources: http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
Tower of Power, Joshua Uebergang, http://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/
Active Listening Skills Improve Communication, Ranjit Das, http://www.suite101.com/

January 14, 2011

Negotiating with Adolescents

Related articles: How You Parent? My Out-of-Control Teen Not cross the Boundaries - Effective Parenting Tools

Negotiation and teens may seem like two words that often don't go together! However it is possible for families to achieve this, with commitment and a genuine desire to reach a reasonable outcome.

Negotiation

Negotiation is the process of reaching agreement on a particular issue. It is one of the most common forms of dispute resolution, or decision-making around difficult topics.

Negotiation is a problem -solving approach in which both people (or parties) attempt to reach a joint decision. It involves each person being prepared to :
1. talk about what they want or need
2. actively listen to what the other person has to say
3. think about the differences between perspectives
4. make an agreement

For negotiation to be successful both have to adopt a win/win approach. It is unhelpful to stand your ground or refuse to compromise. Negotiation is all about working towards each person getting the best possible outcome.

Negotiating with teenagers is often difficult because it can feel like a competition between who is right and who is wrong, who has more power, and what is okay and not okay in terms of behaviour and social activities. Because of this competitive aspect, conversations can often become a fight (sometimes bitter and dramatic!) and end with someone storming off, crying, or else the parent just saying "NO!"

Tips for helpful negotiation:

Allow yourself time to think about the issue. You might find it helpful to say something like: "I want to talk this through properly rather than reacting emotionally."; or "I just need to think about this before we talk. It might help for you to do the same."
Make some notes about the risks and benefits of the issue as you see them.
Make a time to talk through the issue which suits everyone, without distractions. Turn off the TV and put the phones onto answering machine. Allow sufficient time to finish the process.
Invite the teenager(s) to share their thoughts and define how they see the issue.
Share your thoughts about what the main issue is, so that you can then all agree on what you are negotiating, for example, "is it OK to go to a party and what time is it acceptable to get home?"
Brainstorm all possible options. Don't censor at this stage- let everyone have a say so that you can think about possibilities and everyone feels heard.
Together discard the obviously unacceptable options.
Explore each of the possible options, highlighting strengths and weaknesses.
Together decide which works best for all of you - this might take some time!
Decide together how to put the decision into action - this involves working out all the fine details, for example, what to do if they get frightened, how they are getting home, what should happen if they get home late, etc. This way, in the event something does happen, you are not trying to make decisions in crisis - mode.

Remember!

Children and adolescents learn through their parents modelling appropriate skills and behaviours. Through implementing good negotiation strategies you are teaching your child how to problem-solve and reach compromise when faced with difficult situations.

If young people are encouraged to develop effective negotiation skills, they will be able to maintain positive relationshipls both now and into adulthood. This means that you will be giving them a fabulous start in life!

Enough is Enough thank you Parent Line for this article. www.parentline.org.au

January 13, 2011

Anxiety or Depression?

Many clients present with symptoms of anxiety eg. palpitations, sweating, restricted breathing, panicky feelings, difficulty sleeping. These symptoms can often be confused with ‘depression’ eg. difficulty sleeping, lacking motivation, loss of interest in daily life, feeling overwhelmed. Also, ‘depression’ can cause symptoms of anxiety just as anxiety can cause depression.

It is important given the above, that a correct diagnosis is made by someone qualified to do so. Clients’ often come with a self diagnosis and there can be many reasons for this eg. they recently read an article or heard something in the media or a friend or relative has the same symptoms. As human beings we like to be able to give a name to a problem.

Symptoms of ‘anxiety’ and ‘depression’ are best understood by the client to give a full and permanent recovery. Sometimes a good counsellor will work with other health professionals if needed eg. doctors (if medication is required) or other mental health professionals (if there is a more complex diagnosis).

The symptoms of anxiety or depression may also be chronic, intermittent or one-off occurrences. They may be trauma related, come from grief and/or loss, be learned or be a symptom of our life experiences. There can be many reasons for these symptoms to arise such as Drug and Alcohol abuse, relationship problems or other medical conditions. To complicate things further, we all experience life and what happens in life in our own unique way, we are all different and our accumulated life experience at each age will be different.
All these factors are very important when working with the symptoms of anxiety and/or depression both in the type of counselling required and the amount of time needed to complete counselling.

If you have concerns about any of the above mentioned symptoms our counsellors are qualified to make an assessment about the type of counselling needed and/or the appropriate referral if necessary.

Deborah, Counsellor at Enough is Enough

December 10, 2010

Holiday Driving Safety Tips

Christmas is coming!!!!
It is a special time for family celebration, so make sure that you celebrate and return home safely. Last year, there were 10 fatalities in NSW and nearly 533 people got injured during Christmas Holidays. We hope that our Holiday Driving Safety Tips will help you to make a little improvement in your road user behaviour and keep the holiday season safe for you, your family and other commuters.

Drink Driving

Alcohol affects your driving skills, moods and behaviour. Once it's been consumed the effects cannot be reversed. The only thing that will sober you up is time. Getting back to zero (sobering up), takes a long time. No amount of coffee, food, physical activity or sleep will speed up the process.

You don't have to be drunk to be affected by alcohol. You might feel normal but no one drives as well after drinking alcohol.

Novice drivers with any level of alcohol in their blood are at a much higher risk of crashing. This is why learner and provisional licence holders are restricted to a zero alcohol limit.

Driver Fatigue

When setting off on a long trip don't leave too early in the morning because your body clock believes you should still be asleep.

Have a 15 minute rest every two hours. On a long trip, especially in holiday season, there are nearly 1400 rest areas across NSW. You will see plenty of signs and warnings about STOP, REVIVE & SURVIVE - so please take advantage of them. Make this a habit if you are on long drives.

Keep an eye out for the signs of driver fatigue which are: yawning; sweaty hands; tired eyes; poor concentration; restlessness; drowsiness; boredom; slow reactions; and over-steering.

Tow Check

If towing a trailer or caravan, ensure:

good tyre condition and suitable tyre pressure (including spare)
towbar & towing equipment is secure
all electrical connections are secure and lights work correctly
trailer brakes work correctly
rear view mirrors are adjusted correctly

Distance between Your Car and the Car in FrontIt's a good idea to always keep a minimum three seconds gap between you and the car in front. When it's raining and/or foggy, double the distance to six seconds no matter what speed you're doing.

Smooth Driving

Don't rush into things. Plan ahead when driving. Make early decisions on braking and accelerating. Change gears and brake smoothly to avoid skidding. This will provide a smoother drive for yourself and your passengers while also providing less wear and tear on the vehicle and helping you save on fuel costs.

Keep Left Unless Overtaking

When driving on a dual lane road, always keep to the left lane. Use the right hand lane for overtaking; turning right or when roadworks are being carried out and there is no other choice.

Indicate Early

Always indicate when changing lanes, 30 metres wherever practical, to advise other motorists of what you are doing.

Expect the Unexpected

Drive with your line of sight parallel to the road, not looking down onto it. By doing this you see further into the distance so you can be better prepared if there is a problem ahead. It may even mean you can avoid a crash.

Overtaking

Ensure you have enough room to go past the vehicle you are overtaking and not cut them off. Pick your time carefully as overtaking can be quite dangerous and making the wrong decision may result in a serious crash.

Stopping before the Intersection

Always slow down coming to an intersection especially if you are towing a van. Your braking distance will be greater than when you're not towing, so make sure you allow for this. You must stop on a stop sign/line.

Driving at Night

Driving at night requires more skill and concentration than at daytime due to your restricted vision. Oncoming headlights can obscure your vision and pedestrians can be near impossible to see. Leave a bigger gap between you and the car in front to allow for your reduced vision and reaction time.

Road Rage

Stay relaxed and try not to let other people's driving skills or decisions worry you. If another driver makes a mistake, don't get angry; just concentrate on your own driving skills, behaviour and safety. If another driver is courteous towards you, then acknowledge the good deed with a wave.

December 2, 2010

From Tragedy to Triumph

Watch our new online video "From Tragedy to Triumph" with inspirational ideas from Ken Marslew AM, CEO of Enough is Enough and music by Andy V "Turn Tragedy to Triumph" written especially for Enough is Enough. Find out some ways on how to turn the pain into the power and negative into positive. Thrive, don't just survive. Make a difference.

November 18, 2010

Practical Strategies to Deal with Grief and Loss

Enough is Enough has commenced a Memory Book for those who have lost a loved one through traffic accident

Grief and loss as a result of trauma responses eg. sudden accidents, violent events or disasters is complex and requires special understanding. It can leave a feeling of disorientation and unreality for those grieving. The need to understand and make ‘meaning’ out of these traumatic events often becomes a priority.

Honouring the memory of a loved one is an important part of the grief process. Often there is an unconscious fear of forgetting the meaning the relationship held for us or the unique attributes of a person we have lost.

A way to honour our special memories can be by creating a ‘memory box’.

A ‘memory box’ is somewhere we can hold our treasured memories, perhaps of special photos and memorabilia, included stories or sayings that were part of your relationship with this person. By writing down as much as you can remember, favourite foods, favourite times, music, you create a sacred space to come back to. This is a place that ‘holds the special memories’ so you know they are safe and you can connect with them when you want. This can be an ongoing process as part of the grieving – a place to return to as you gradually remember the special memories of a loved one.

This process also brings into ‘reality’ the loss which can be particularly difficult after a traumatic or sudden loss.

An important part of integrating loss in these special circumstances is through the therapeutic process so that any symptoms of trauma can be understood. Meaning can be made by the retelling of the story.

- by Deborah, Enough is Enough Counsellor