Some Tips for Teenagers Dealing with Conflict and Violence

This article features highlights from the booklet " Pull Ya Head In and Think!" by Kimi Alcott, Cultural Coordinator, available to download from our website (PDF 5 Mb). 

This booklet is for teenagers. It talks about taking responsibility for yourself, respecting others, and about the hardest job of all, Being a Teenager.

Who am I?

• You have a right to be YOU, you don't have to be a size 8 or have the perfect hair... You are beautiful in a way that know other person can be.


• You are here for YOUR JOURNEY, no one else's but YOURS!

Respecting Others

• Everyone such as yourself is on their own personal journey... respect that


• Respect other Cultures:

  Australia is now Multi-cultural, other nationalities can be seen everyday. We should be proud they chose our country to live, but also we don't know why they left their homeland. Maybe their country is not safe or they escaped poverty. Look at other countries and see how they live, and understand how lucky Australia is. We can go to the shop without dodging bullets, we have fresh water and we have government support.

• What someone else thinks of you is none of your business. REALLY who CARES!


• We are ALL unique. Accept others that may be different and hope they respect us in return.

The Journey

If I didn't travel this journey I wouldn't be the person I am today. Each time something doesn't work out I believe it wasn't meant happen this way. And I need to take another direction or path... This mightn't work for you but it does for me.

Look at life as YOUR Journey.

Arguing and Anger

Don't get into arguments, they are a waste of time and energy. Anger is an internal killing machine. Anger does more damage to you than anyone else. Why do this to yourself? MOVE ON.

The Future
You can do whatever You want to do, be what You want to be, but You have to take the First Step.

• Talk to someone
• Contact services
• Move forward
• Do it for YOU
• Take Your Journey

Violence in Media: Four Parental Media Monitoring Strategies

Over the past half-century, an explosion in electronic media including television, cable television, video games, computers, the Internet, cell phones, and iPods marketed directly at the youngest children in our society, have been regarded with dismay by adults concerned about how these changes have played out in young people’s lives.


Used properly, the media can teach children many positive things about the world as well as teach them a sense of belonging and social responsibility. Child informative, high-quality educational TV content is shown to be associated with better educational outcomes and academic engagement, in opposite, viewing violence on television and playing violence video games has the potential to affect an individual child’s behaviour, psychological wellbeing and beliefs about the world. (Schmidt and Anderson research, 2007).

Media and Violent Behaviour

Many children’s programs – especially the so-called classic cartoons present violence in a humorous fashion that minimized the pain and suffering of victims. As a result , when children watch this type of depiction, they may learn that violence is funny and has little negative impact on victims.

The news media can lead people to believe that the stories reported are closer to home, or that they happen more often than they do in real life. Violence in schools is an example of a prevalent story in the news. So prominent in fact, that adults and kids alike are afraid that violence is sure to happen in their schools. The reality, however, reveals that there is less than a one in two mission chance that a child will be injured during a violent outbreak at school.

Can learning teens about bullying be presented using violence scenes? 


Take a look at a 17 minute short film launched by Australian Communications Minister Stephen Conroy in Sept 2011 about the dangers of sexting and cyber bullying, with some scenes including a fight captured on a mobile phone and posted online and teenagers taking nude photographs of each other and sending them to others. The video went around the world and was watched by tens of thousands. However, an expert on bullying, Professor Kenneth Rigby of the University of South Australia, said there was a risk that rather than acting as a warning about the dangers of bullying, the video was “allowing people to revel in a violent spectacle.” (1)

Extensive research evidence indicates that media violence can contribute to aggressive behaviour, desensitization to violence, nightmares, and fear of being harmed.

What about violent video games?

We recommend reading:

A Cry From The Heart: 

Violent Video Games For Kids

Pilots use flight simulators to learn to fly. Motorists use driving simulators to learn to drive. This kind of visual imagery is a very powerful learning medium. Some children are “print aversive” and thus even more receptive to visual imagery than others. 

Prof. Dave Grossman of West Point Military Academy uses the same violent video games that our kids play with; to teach army recruits and policemen to overcome their natural reluctance to kill another human being.

Prof. Grossman calls violent video games; “killing simulators” because they’re such an effective medium to teach someone the will and the skill to kill” They are very effective in turning human beings into compliant automatons.

An increasing amount of research is being conducted into links between online video games playing and “pathological internet misuse”.  International mental health experts are considering including “video game addiction and internet addiction” in the next edition of globally recognised Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders “to encourage further study”.  In the most extreme cases, teens and young adults spend up to 50 hours almost non-stop playing online computer games, even refusing to take toilet breaks. (2)

Strategies for Parents

Parents sometimes feel overwhelmed and wonder if they are actually able to make a difference in media saturated world. 
The good news is that the research demonstrates that parents are actually in a very powerful position. 

When parents set limits on the amount of screen time their children watch (or play), set limits on the content so that it is age-appropriate, and talk about what they see and hear, this is a powerful protective factor for children. (3)

In 2001, Amy Nathanson, a researcher at The Ohio State University, published an article outlining the 3 basic ways that parents can help prevent their children from experiencing negative media effects. In past years, few studies have examined parental regulation of video game play, adding one more strategy to Nathanson’s parental monitoring.

1. Restrictive Mediation:

Limit-setting on amount of media
Limit-setting on content of media

Putting in action:● Does your family have rules about how much TV may be watched (videogame played)?
● Does your family have rules about when TV may be watched?
● Can your child only watch TV when you are in the room to watch with him/her?
● As a parent, do you help your child decide what programs to watch?
● How often does your child have to ask your permission before watching a movie orDVD on TV?
● How often do you decide what video games you may rent or buy for your child?
● How often does your child have to ask your permission before playing video games?

2. Active Mediation:

Commenting on program(video game) contents and discussing these with children, helping them to understand what they see (play) on TV , computer, or news. Engaging the children in communication about what is being viewed.

Putting in action:It is important to talk with kids about what they see and hear. Ask your child questions that help him/her think through the messages that may not be immediately apparent.
It is actually very difficult for most parents to do especially with tough issues, and require  time, thought and courage. For example, after viewing a show, ask them what they think about that. Ask them why they think the show portrayed it that way. Let your children know not to be afraid to talk with you whenever they see something they don’t understand.

3. Co-viewing Mediation:

Watching together and discussing programs in general

Putting in action:How often do you watch TV together with your child?
How often you play computer or video games with your child?
By sharing the experience with your child, you will be able to know exactly what they are being exposed to and can talk with them about it. If you see something that may be upsetting to your child, or make them scared or confused , you can start a conversation on the subject. For younger children, you may also consider setting rules against watching TV/Playing games when you aren’t around.

4. Peripheral Monitoring Strategy:

Strategically placing game platforms in public areas such as the living room, offering them the possibility to keep an eye on their children’s gaming while doing other household chores at the same time.

Research suggests that the most effective parental practices are co-viewing programs with children and active mediating, while the popular practice of restrictive mediation is less effective. (5)

As a parent, only you can decide what strategies are most appropriate for your child. Today, our kids have access to much more information than previous generations. They are likely to learn things from media that parents don’t want them to learn. Media can affect their health, behaviour and family life in negative ways. It is why it is so important to understand the negative impact of media to know  how to use it properly  for healthy children’s development.

Resources:

1. Bullying, violence, revenge: the dangers of antisocial networking laid bare for children, Stephanie Gardiner

2. War on Young Minds, by Bruce McDougall

3. Research of the Effects of Media, Douglas A.Gentile , Ph.DThe Effects of Violent Media on Children www.psychology.org.au

4. Talking with kids about tough issues, http://www.childrennow.org/index.php/learn/twk_news

5.Parental mediation of children’s video game playing: A similar construct as television mediation, by Peter Nikken

Active Parenting

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.” Frederick Douglass 

Active Parenting - Parenting with purpose and by example

We live in an increasingly complex world that challenges us every day with a wide range of issues and challenges that can be difficult for children to understand, cope and survive. Children are always looking for proper training and help from their parents. But when it is not made available, children get carried away by other things that happen in the society which may leave a negative impact on their future.

Active Parenting is a term describing a successful parenting strategy relating to adolescents. The main purpose is to raise responsible, cooperative children, who are able to resist negative peer pressure and successfully face the challenges of the 21st century.

What challenges? :
Drug & Alcohol Use
Sexuality (HIV/AIDS)
Violence and Terrorism
Technological Changes
Changing Job Markets
Changing Family and Social Structures
What They See on TV News
Accidents & Disasters
Sickness & Death


It's your responsibility as a parent to prepare your children to become responsible adults and survive in this world without your intervention.

Active Parenting can be learnt by reading articles, books and by attending workshops conducted by many organisations. These organisations conduct programs for active parenting in detail about each aspect of active parenting.
This article will give you guidance in Active Parenting for raising successful and resilient young people.

The Active Parenting Strategy aims to:

1.Use positive discipline techniques to teach responsibility for their actions

2. Build resilience and self-discipline in adolescents to navigate life’s challenges

3. Help to develop cooperation and self-esteem

4. Reinforce adolescent’s courage and inner strength

 5 Building Blocks of Active Parenting

1. Creating and Confirming Boundaries

Yours rules and structure give your child a framework for understanding the world, even if he protests.

The most resilient families develop broad boundaries that help children understand what is expected from them in the home, at school and in the community. These boundaries help children develop values about what is right and wrong. It takes a while for children to have these values internalised. That means that they don’t have to check with an adult if something is right or wrong. They understand why certain rules are in place and why it’s important to follow them. 

Communicating the Boundaries
It could be useful for families to have these principles written up and displayed. Many children will have experience of this in their schools, where school rules are prominently displayed in classrooms. Use a family meeting to explain what the boundaries or family rules will be. Give a short explanation of why they are important (try not to give long lectures).

Think about Consequences
Explain what will happen if boundaries are crossed. Each behaviour must have a consequence that is natural or logical. Many times it is enough to tell them not behave in a particular way without saying much more. Parents can be very creative during this process. The most important thing that children learn is that when they break the rules, something happens that teaches them not to do it again.

Putting in action:
Parents need to set clear expectations for behaviour, establish rules about communicating where and with whom their teenagers are spending their time. By communicating your expectations and consequences, your adolescent cannot claim they “did not know” that you would be upset. These boundaries need to be included in your teenager's internet use.

2. Talk with your kids before everyone else does

Talk with your kids about:
● Safe Sex and Relationships
● Online Safety
● Drugs and Alcohol
● Negative Peer Pressure
● Staying Safe and Risk Taking
● Violence and Protective Behaviour
● What they see on TV News
● HIV/AIDS
● Accidents and Disasters
● Sickness and Death
● Divorce
● Terrorism

3. Develop the Mindset of Resilient Children and Adolescents

“Resilience is the ability to bounce back and keep going in the face of adversity.” Jacque Pollock

Feeling loved, special and appreciated is a cornerstone of a child’s resilient mindset. Resilient children and adolescents are hopeful and posses high self-worth. They learn to solve problems and to view mistakes as experiences from which to learn. They learn to focus on what they have control over rather than on what they can little influence. They set realistic goals and expectations for themselves and those around them.

Accept your children for who they are and not what you want them to be. 

Many children believe that they are accepted and loved only when they do not make mistakes and fail. Become upset that they do not meet standards set by their parents children begin to believe that their mistakes are testimony to their incompetence and must be avoided at all costs.

Putting in action:
When your child makes a mistake or when something doesn’t go right, how does he react and handle the situation?
When some thing ( a plan, a project, a relationship, a situation) does not go the way you want it to go, what is the first question most people ask? WHY ME? This is the wrong question! What happens when you ask the wrong question? Yes! You get the wrong answer and a lot of negative feedback.
What then would be the right question? WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM WHAT JUST HAPPENED? And you get a completely different interpretation back – and a positive lesson can be learnt.

4 principles can guide you in helping your children become comfortable with the role that mistakes play in one’s life:
1. Serve yourself as a model for dealing with mistakes and learning from them with the questions “What can I do differently?”, “What can I do to improve?”
2. Comments to react on mistakes should be free of anger and sarcasm. There not be statements that reinforce a negative mindset such as: Why don’t you use your brain?
3. Mistakes are not only accepted but also expected
4. Mistakes are a natural part of life

Another important factor in developing resilience in children is teaching them to make choices and think about consequences of their choices. Start to provide kids with simple choices at an early age. : Do you want.....or..... for dinner? Do you want wear.... or....? Do you want to play....or...? It is your choice. By providing them with simple choices we are building a solid foundation for problem solving and making decisions.
Helping your kids to find their own strengths and reinforcing each child or adolescent’s “islands of competence" is important factor that help them to understand and Know Who You Are. A strong sense of self is the foundation of personal resilience.

Teach them not define yourself by what someone else thinks about them, but have the right to be Who Are You and Who You Want to BE.

4. Develop Responsibility: Chores or Contributions?

Teaching children to be accountable for their actions and to feel a sense of responsibility is necessary if they are ever to be prepared for adult living.

Robert Brooks, Ph. D, suggests that the most effective says of teaching responsibility and compassion to our kids and youth is to create opportunities for them to help others. By so doing parents communicate the message, ”We believe in you and we believe you have a great deal to offer your world." It is truly one of the most important messages parents can transmit as parents in preparing children for the challenges they will confront in their adult lives.

This message came from his research when he asked adults to describe one of the fondest memories of school, a memory in which a teacher said or did something that enhanced their self-esteem. What do you think was the most common positive memory from this survey? The answer was when a student was asked to contribute in some manner to the school environment.
/”The teacher had me sit and do spelling with the second graders, once I’d shown some ability in this subject.”. “My teacher asked me to tutor a senior who was about to “not graduate” because she was failing English grammar. I was in 10th grade.” What is your “positive memory’? Who was that great teacher? Positive expectations can help develop responsible young people.

Very often the label that we use to describe responsibilities is one that unfortunately is associated with negative connotations. That label is “chores.” Children are often told, “Remember, you must do your chores!” Whatever labels we provide will not erase the negative feelings associated with being asked to do what youngsters consider such unimportant tasks as cleaning one’s room, making the bed, or clearing the table, however , guided by the notion that children wish to help, parents might create an attitude of responsibility what would last a lifetime so that even if children did not always remember to do their chores, we could be assured that they were developing into responsible and compassionate people.

Putting in action:
Ask yourself: “Am I providing opportunities for my children to be helpful and to learn that their actions make a positive difference in the lives of others?”

5. Active Parenting is Empathic Parenting

Empathy, the ability to be aware and understand what another person feels, is first learned at home.

The ability to see the world through your children’s eyes and be empathic is essential for raising emotional healthy kids. Statements like as “You must be feeling angry or sad right now “ telling that you don’t have to agree with everything they do but try to appreciate their point of view as a bridge to begin every communication and as a foundation for them to listen and learn from you. When you interact with your children you should always consider whether you are saying things in a way that will allow them to be receptive to listening to you. If you interrupt. put them down, tell them how they should be feeling or use absolutes such as always or never in a critical way they are likely to become angry and tune you out.


Emotional ownership is a key part of Empathic Parenting. This means that I am responsible for my own emotions; no-one else controls how I feel. This also means I allow and teach my child to own his emotions by not trying to control how he feels. Empathy means showing understanding and support for his right to have his emotions and not trying to change them.

Putting in action:
Saying to your child, ”I know that you’re upset that the toy is gone” is an empathic statement that is not judgmental, thereby lessening the probability that your child will become defensive. Telling them “ I told you so” or punishing them is likely to lead to anger rather than learning. Buying them a new toy is also counterproductive since it does not permit them to experience the consequences of their behaviour. If children do not realize that there are consequences to their actions, they will have difficulty developing self-discipline.

Resources:

National Strategy for Young Australians

Teaching your child empathic awareness by Denise Seastrunk

25 Nonviolent discipline options by Pam Kemp

Raising a Self Disciplined Child by Dr. Robert Brooks, Ph.D

Raising Resilient Children and Adolescents by Dr. Robert Brooks, Ph. D

Peer Pressure and Risk Taking

Peer pressure negative or positive will have lifelong consequences. Insure good doses of positiveness in a young person’s life.
- Ken B Marslew, CEO of EIE

Youth is a period characterised by rapid psychological and physical transition, where young people progress from being dependent children to independent adults. In this stage of life, people may be vulnerable to the influences of peer pressure, and may be inclined to experiment, push boundaries and take risks that could impact on their immediate and longer term health and wellbeing. 

These risky behaviours include risk drinking, illicit drug use and dangerous driving with some of the potential consequences: being charged with criminal offences, being involved in an accident or violence; hospitalisation and, in some cases, death.

Youth is often the stage of life when young people begin to experiment with alcohol and other drugs, often followed their peers’ ‘everyone is doing it’. 

The difference between negative and positive peer pressure

“A healthy part of every child’s development is involvement with their peers. This is especially true during adolescence as teenagers develop a sense of independence from their parents.” – by Bruce A.Epstein

We all feel pressure (either from inside or outside ourselves) to be like other people. Peer pressure plays a big role in determining who we are and how we talk, act and dress. 


How we chose to react to peer pressure defines who we are as an individual. Are you a leader or a follower? Another thing to remember is that people in groups act differently and do things they’d never do on their own. Why? Because we all lose at least some of our identity in a group. And the normal controls we put on our behaviour can crumble before the need we all feel to fit in and be respected by others.

The difference between negative and positive peer pressure is the outcome. Good friends can encourage teens to get involved in positive activities, help them learn good social skills and other ways to work out problems, and give teens good advice.

Negative peer pressure is when teens feel pressured to do something they know is wrong, such as doing drugs, smoking, drinking, stealing, or something they don’t want to do such as having sex, etc.

Why young people (and not young too..) are vulnerable to negative peer pressure?

● To be accepted and liked by people their own age

● To appear grown up

● Afraid of being rejected

● Afraid of losing a friend

● Afraid of being teased /bullied

● Don’t know how to say “no”

● To be a part of the group, don’t feel alone
● Don’t know what they really want

Tips for parents

" Parents should not underestimate the role of peers in a teenager’s life, but should try to encourage their child to have his own ideas, opinions and wants. " by Jolien Sichien

“Adolescents want to be independent and dependent at the same time,” says Benjamin Siegel, MD, paediatrician. “On one hand, they want to assert their independence. On the other, they need their parents.” 


Yours rules and structure give your teen a framework for understanding the world, even if he protests. 

When teens were asked what their parents could do to discourage drinking, the answers were surprisingly simple:

● Talk to us.

Teens say they want to know what their parents think and how they make decisions

● Punish us.

Teens who break rules typically wait to see what happens. If there are no consequences, the rules don’t matter.

● Limit overnight visits.

Not having to go home can be too much freedom to handle

● Wait up for us.

Knowing they have to face mum or dad, or both, in a few hours makes most teens think twice about the shape they will be in when they get home.

Parents need to set clear expectations for behaviour, establish rules about communicating where and with whom their teenagers are spending their time. By communicating your expectations and consequences, your adolescent cannot claim they “did not know” that you would be upset.These boundaries need to be included in your teenager's internet use.

If you really believe that a particular peer group is negatively impacting you child, it is important to deal with reasons your teen is being influenced in this direction. An adolescent is drawn to a particular group because it “feeds” them in some way.

He or she may have problems with self-confidence and self-esteem and feel it is necessary to fit in any way possible. Parents will not change the teen’s attitude by forbidding access to these peers. They can only change the attitude by dealing with the primary issues that cause it in the first place.

“Talk to your children about peer pressure. Explain what a powerful force it can be, and... tell them that you will never accept the excuse that “Everyone did it”... that they will be held responsible for their actions.” Tom McMahon

If you believe your concerns are serious, talk to your teenager about behaviour and choices – not the friends. Encourage your teen’s independence by supporting decision making based on principles and not other people. Encourage reflective thinking by helping your teen think about his or her actions in advance and discussing immediate and long-term consequences of risky behaviour.

If you are in Sydney, please contact our Counselling Unit to arrange a private counselling sessions with your teen on 02 9542 4029.

Tips for Adolescence

It’s important to have a strong self-image because it develops confidence in what you do and how you relate to your peers and loved one.

Peer pressure is testing your will to refuse something you don’t want to do, or know that is wrong for you such as high-risk behaviours.

What consequences?

Drugs and alcohol have really consequences that can affect the quality of your life for a long time. Think about the changes in brain chemistry that can follow periods of drug use. Think about it. You can be involved in an accident, violence crime, and hospitalisation.

Learn how to handle peer pressure

Peer pressure can be direct or indirect. Peer pressure can be negative and positive. But even pressure to do good things can be bad for you, if you don’t learn to say NO when you need to.

Practice ways to say No: 

Avoid following PEER PRESSURE such as, "...if you're my friend, you'll help me; if you love me, you'll have sex with me; if you want me to be happy, you'll go along with my plan." These are bully tactics -- don't fall for them!

You can say:

● “Not tonight. I have to study.”

● “No, thanks. I am in training.”

● “Hey! No way!”

● “Just leave me alone.”

● Alcohol’s NOT my thing.

● Back OFF!

● Why do you keep pressuring me when I’ve said NO?

● “I’m fine.”

Learn to Say NO nicely – “N.I.C.E” to say NO

N: Say “No”. Not “maybe” or “later”.

I: Follow with an “I” statement: “I’m not going to .... , it is not part of my life plan”

C: If pressure continues, “Change”. Change the topic. Change your conversation partner. Change the location.

E: If these strategies do not help, you need “Exit “plan. Leave a bad situation immediately.

Sometimes you can feel pressure just watching how others act or dress (indirect peer pressure), without them saying a word to you. This “unspoken pressure” is especially hard to resist, because instead of standing up to a friend, you are standing up to how you feel inside. In this case, your best strategy is to decide what you really want and always being true to yourself and your values. 


Think about your options and what consequences will be of your decisions and actions.It actually takes courage to be your own person. Don’t forget, there is no other person exactly like you. We are all unique, and can’t really be compared to anyone because our experiences have all been different. Have confidence that you can do what you set out to do in life, without relying on what other people think.



A true friend will take NO for an answer and not try to make you do something you don’t want to do. 


And you will find that when you are self confident, you exert an energy that makes others want to be around you.

Enough is Enough have been successfully presenting programs in primary and secondary schools, Juvenile Justice and adult Correctional Centres for over ten years. 

Programs include responsibility, resilience, leadership tools, alternative schools of thought and tools for positive change. These programs are suitable for students, teachers, youth at risk and those who work with them. We also have programs for those with special needs. Programs are presented nationally. 

Resources:

1. Denise Witmer, The difference between negative and positive peer pressure.

2. Jennifer James, Peer pressure and choices: How to Think for Yourself.

3. Joanne Barker, Brunilda Nazario, MD, Teens and Peer Pressure.

4. Port Clinton, Help Teens Say No!

5. Parents, Speak Up! U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

6. ABS Statistics

Staying Safe (tips for teens and adults)

We face risk every day in the things we do. The food we eat is a form of risk taking. You may be allergic to it. Going out and having fun, first date, online chatting, driving, parties with friends and holidays trips –yes, it is a great time in your life, but all of these have a series of risks attached. All our behaviours, emotions, feelings and words also involve some risk in terms of dangerous and unpredictable consequences.

Safe means zero risk and is not achievable at all times in all places under all circumstances. 

Safety Behaviour is managed risk-taking behaviour and is achievable. 

Safety Behaviour depends on Risk Perception.

How much is ‘at risk’? Shaping our perception of risks

Are dangers really increasing or are we more afraid?

Risk perception is an essential factor in every human decision making.

Our perspective affects how we identify risk, how we see the level of risk and in turn, evaluate these risks and make a decision. Each of us envisages risk as a result of what we believe to be the likely outcome, the chance of the outcome actually occurring and how concerned we are if it does happen.

There are internal (memory, experience, mood) and external (physical environment, sensory information) factors that contribute to influence our perception and the decisions we make.

A large element of our memory is based on previous experience, so it is logical that our perception of risk is also influenced by prior experience. Many psychologists believe that we repress memories of traumatic experiences and what we recall is not always an accurate reflection of events or today’s reality.

Our mood affects how we function and our risk perception. Mood gets in the way of retrieving information: if we are feeling grumpy, we are more likely to recall negative events and situations whereas if we are content we focus on happy memories. People in positive moods increase the likelihood of helpful, safe behaviours. People in negative moods use less information to make decisions, are more selective of what information they pay attention to, are less detailed in their approach. As a result, their ability to manage safety risks may be reduced.

Knowledge and information is the core contributor to risk management and safety.

By being informed we are able to better indentify the risks and can make an informed decision because we better understand the consequences. If we do not know or understand the situation or do not have an experience base on which to make informed decisions, we may choose to take a calculated risk level, using 2 risk components such as likelihood and consequence.

Making a decision to be safe

We make decisions every day; consciously or unconsciously, on how we are going to behave. Keep in mind that at every stage of your life you will have risk, it’s important to understand what these risks are and have a plan to minimize the consequences.

Step 1: Identify the risks
Step 2: Decide how risky it is
Step 3: Evaluate the situation and make a decision

Example: Safe Celebrating

Party safe: This or this?

Step 1: Identify the risks:

Risks associated with being young include:

• a desire for sensation

• a tendency towards high-risk behaviours

• the impact of group/peer dynamics

• a lack of maturity

Risks associated with substance use include:

• inexperience with alcohol

• a tendency towards binge drinking -intoxication/ reduced inhibition

• the use of illegal drugs

Risks associated with places chosen for celebrations include:

• unsupervised use of facilities, especially around

water (beaches, rivers, pools)

• limited supervision/emergency support

Risks associated with road use include:

• increased independent use of roads

and vehicles

• inexperience of drivers

• car overcrowding

• many of the activities occurring at night

• fatigue

• limited transport options

(Source: http://www.youthsafe.org/images/initiatives/scg_section1.pdf)

Step 2: Decide how risky it is for you using your experience, knowledge, research and our risk level calculator

There are six signs that tell you when a risk is NOT a good idea. If any of the following apply, think twice before you taking the risk. 

1. There's a good chance you could lose everything.

You drink too much, lose your wallet with all ID and money, plus your mobile. No way to get home and no phone to call home.. 

2. You have to put a lot on the line to get only a little.

You risk your health and life experimenting with amphetamines at a party because others told you it was OK. 

3. There are too many factors you can't control.

You drink too much at a party, cannot control those around you and what they do to you, cannot control yourself and what you do, cannot control your stomach (in from of everyone). 

4. You feel the odds are against you.

Peer pressure among friends can be overwhelming if you choose to listen. 

5. There is no way to fix the outcome if it doesn't turn out how you want.

People take photos of you on their mobiles while you are drunk. These get sent to the internet instantly – no control to reverse the situation, they are on the internet forever. 

6. You have to take the risk before having a chance to prepare and/or evaluate it.

You get drunk, get into a fight with a friend, throw up on your friend and break something before you realise you have had too much to drink.

Step 3: Evaluate the situation and make a decision

Make a decision to be safe and develop your own safety plan. 


The follow tips can be part of your safety plan.

1. Know the people who’s party you are attending

2. If you chose to drink, have a sober ride home

3. Never accept any drink that you did not prepare or see prepared yourself

4. Never leave a party with someone you don not know well

5. Never walk alone at night

6. If you have an alcoholic beverage in your hand – do not go outside

7. If you are drinking, do so responsibly

We hope that our tips and ideas will help you to minimize the risks of having a good time and keep you in safety!

Source: Taking Risks: How to Take Calculated Risks to Get Ahead in Anything

by www.SixWise.com

Happiness and Joy

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     JOY: HOW IT WORKS

We have feelings about our needs (like food, air, water, etc.).
When needs are satisfied we feel joy.

We have feelings about our wants (for love and affection, even for things like a new house, car, etc.).
When wants are satisfied we feel joy.

Our emotions constantly push us toward joy. When we use our anger positively, we increase our odds of getting what we want and to feel joy.

When we use our sadness positively, we replace what we’ve lost and feel joy again.

When we use our fear well, we protect ourselves and feel joy.

We feel excited whenever we are “on our way” toward what we want! Excitement mobilizes our energy to keep us on track toward joy.

Source: About Joy by Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist 

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TAKING THE TIME TO FEEL THE JOY

Life is changing constantly, and that means that our wants, needs, feelings and choices are changing too. We need to re-evaluate them on a regular basis.

Ask yourself questions:
“What is truly important to me in my life, and why?”
“What is in my day that is stopping me feeling happy?”.

Your goal is to find your top priorities in your life and focus on what really matters for you. Make sure you know what are your true needs and wants, and why. Everyone you know probably has an opinion about what should be important to you. Keep in mind that this is your life, your needs and your wants.

Consider a Concept Living by Half by Jonar C. Nader : “Half everything in your life that is not adding value to you , so you will have time to double anything else that creates value and bring more daily enjoyment.” Try to balance your “need to do” activities with a few things you really want to do.
It is important to make time every day for the things you really enjoy.

GETTING MORE JOY IN YOUR LIFE

• Give yourself small doses of joy regularly using your IMAGINATION.
  The easiest way to get more joy in your life is to simply IMAGINE that you’ve got something you want. Close your eyes and picture a situation or place that feels peaceful and joyful. Are you a music lover? Tune in to the soundtrack of nature-crashing waves and birds singing. Buy a small fountain, so you can enjoy the soothing sound of running water in your home. Surround yourself with smells using scented candles, scented sheets, or your favourite perfume.
  
• Consider the habitual regular joys.
  Every single time we take care of a bodily need we feel a considerable amount of joy. Experiment with your sense of touch: give yourself a hand or neck massage, wear clothing that feels soft against your skin, pet a dog or cat. Taste! When we eat a great meal we feel quite a bit of joy. Movement ! Anything that engages the muscles can work: go for a short walk, dance, even some simple breathing exercises can bring more joy to you.
  
• Don’t forget about the joy of getting “Stuff”, but remember that this feels good only for a relatively short while.
  There is real joy to be had from getting stuff (everything from new clothes to a new house). Take the time to enjoy these things, but don’t be surprised when you notice that abrupt end to such joys. The excitement of a new car usually lasts only a few days or weeks, and it then just becomes background. The excitement of new shoes, or clothes last only hours or days before it become background.
  
• Give and receive joy of affection & attention.
  Hang out with people who bring out the best in you. Send blessings to people who are hurting, imprisoned, or in pain. We all want the same three things: to give love, to receive love and to know that we matter. Simple acts of kindness such as a smile at strangers or giving a compliment will not cost you anything, but they add enjoyment to your life and the lives of those around you.
  
• The BIGGEST JOYS will come!
  The biggest joys of life come from getting your needs met regularly and from getting big doses of attention and affection. Regularly examine your life’s priorities, your new wants and needs and give them first place in your life. Take care of your own needs and wants, plan your time for small and “stuff” joys and your biggest joys will definitely come!

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IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS:

After each bite of food,
After each trip to the bathroom(!),
after each “stroke” you get from the people who like you,
after every opportunity for joy,
stop everything for a moment
and
NOTICE THAT GOOD FEELING OF JOY!

  Source:  About Joy by Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist
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