Change Management

Imagine you are steering a boat far out at sea. Below the deck, out of sight, lies a vast horde of demons. These demons have many different forms. 

Some of them are emotions such as guilt, anger, fear or hopelessness. Some are memories of times in which you see yourself performing badly. 

Now, as long as you keep that boat drifting out at sea, the demons will stay below. But as soon as you start steering toward land, they clamber up from below deck. You don't like that very much, so you cut a deal: "If your demons stay out of sight, down below, I'll keep the boat drifting out at sea." The demons agree and everything seems OK - for a while. The problem is, eventually you get fed up of being at sea. 

You get bored, lonely, miserable, resentful and anxious. "What sort of life is this?" you think. " The land over there - that's where I want to be heading". But the demons down below aren't particularly interested in what you want. They want to stay out at sea. So the moment you start heading for land, they swam up onto the deck and start threatening you again.

As soon as we start to do something new, our mind will start warning us "You might fail"; "You might get rejected". And all too often we let these warnings stop us from taking our lives in the direction we really want. Rather than sail for shore, we drift at sea.  

Depending on the nature of your current situation, - you may choose to start a new relationship, pursue a new career, make some new friends, improve your physical fitness, or taking a course - but whatever meaningful changes you start to make in your life, these demons will rear their ugly heads and try to discourage you.

However, if you keep steering your boat toward shore (no matter how much the demons threaten you), many of them will realise they are having no effect and will give up and leave you alone. And more importantly, you'll find that you will not just have demons; you'll soon encounter angels and dolphins.

PADALAR IN THE C OF LIFE
(CHANGE MANAGEMENT TIPS)

Purpose
Knowing what is most valuable to you gives you direction in life. You can focus the majority of your time and energy on these values.

Identify your highest priorities

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and relax. Imagine yourself in a favourite place where you can take a few minutes to think. The time is many years from now. You have lived a long and full life. Reflect your life from this point. What did you most enjoy experience and doing? What did you most appreciate accomplishing or having? Write your answers.

Turn your highest priorities to goals

Goals are objectives you want to achieve. The difference between goals and simply dreams is that you really like to put money and time to accomplish your goals. If you want to live to a ripe old age to travel the world with old friends, your short term and medium goals can be taking care of your health, cultivating friendship and making money.

Action
To achieve each of your short/medium/long time goals you need to identify the specific steps that you need to take in order to achieve each of them.

Developing an Action Plan

Imagine that you have already achieved your goal. How would you feel, look, behave, sound? How would people around you respond to you? Now begin to work backwards from fantasized image. Ask yourself what steps you must have taken to achieve your objective.
Did you need to develop new skills?
How much time it will take?
How did you deal with obstacles such as fear?
How did you motivate yourself to keep doing?

Discipline
Discipline is a set of rules that you put on yourself to reach your goals.

How many times have you started to do something, only to quit after a short while? How many times have you felt too weak, lazy, shy or bored to do something you promised yourself to do? With so many distractions around you, what does it take to stay focused on your goals and dreams, and what does it take to succeed? 


The answer is self-discipline or self-control. Anyone can develop a self-discipline. It takes time to develop, but the more you practice using self-discipline the stronger it will become. The more disciplined you become, the easier life gets. Learn here some strategies and techniques on how to develop self-discipline.

Attitude
You carry your attitude around with you, like a pair of glasses that tints your perception of the world.

Your experience, education and personality shape your attitude to everything around you. Depending on how you perceive the world, you will interpret and react differently to situations than someone who has a different view. Your tinted glasses (your attitude) will affect how you think, how you behave and even how you feel.

Love
Love has been defined as a "strong positive emotion", a feeling of "warm affection", and "exclusive devotion". Things can be loved, such as hobbies, places or ideas.

Love is a very powerful emotion, capable of bringing out the best in people and the worst in people. The emotion of love is what makes a person deliriously happy or constantly heartsick.

Achieve

Responsibility

Resources:
Your Life - Your Responsibility. Ken B Marslew AM
The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living. Dr Russ Harris

Enough is Enough thanks the girls who participated in our Dreamtime Divas Project and for their beautiful self portraits taken during their time at Enough is Enough .

The “Scary Times” Success Manual

From time to time, economic and political events make people anxious and fearful about their futures.  Strategies, listed in this article will help you to increase your confidence, sense of direction and capability in all areas of your personal and business lives.  We hope these strategies  will support your creative thinking, communications , and actions.

1   Forget about yourself, focus on others

Uncertainty can drive people into themselves, making them feel isolated and helpless.

The best strategy here is to go in the opposite direction, expanding your connections with others – focusing on helping them transform their negatives into positives.

The more you contribute in this fashion, the less you will need to worry about your own situation. You will become a source of confidence for everyone else.

2  Forget about your commodity, focus on your relationships

In uncertain times, people become frightened about the viability of their “commodities” – the things they sell and the jobs they hold. A more strategic response here is to disregard your own commodity and focus on deepening the power and possibility of all your relationships – with family, friends, team members, suppliers, clients, customers, and prospects.

Every time you strengthen a relationship, the viability of your commodity will increase.

3.  Forget about the sale, focus on creating value

Most people don’t like being sold at the best of times. When the future is less certain, they turn off, hang up, and slam shut.

What people want at all times is value creation – that is, solutions that help them eliminate their dangers, capture their opportunities, and reinforce their strengths.

When you focus on providing these three solutions, the sales will naturally follow.

4.  Forget about your losses, focus on your opportunities

Things you had and may have taken for granted sometimes disappear. Some people never get over this. They keep trying to replay their old games.

A better strategy is to start an entirely new game – using new ideas, new energies, new tools, and new resources.

As the world changes, opportunities suddenly become available to achieve far more than you ever did in the past.

5.  Forget about your difficulties, focus on your progress

Because of some changes, things may not be as easy as they once were. New difficulties can either defeat you or reveal new strengths.

Your body’s muscles always get stronger from working against resistance. The same is true for the “muscles” in your mind, your spirit, and your character.

Treat this whole period of challenge as a time when you can make your greatest progress as a human being.

6.  Forget about the “future”, focus on today

The future is an abstraction. It doesn’t exist except as an idea.

The only future that has any reality is the one that you continually create for yourself through each day’s contributions, achievements, and results.

This is an excellent time to ignore all those experts who never saw the present circumstances coming. Focus on what you can do over the course of each 24 hours, and you will be the only expert on the future you will ever need.

7.   Forget about who you are, focus on who you can be

Many people define themselves by external circumstances. When these abruptly or unexpectedly change, they don’t know who they are, so they keep trying to be who they used to be.

From now on, take your cues from the inside – from your dreams, ideals, values, and operating principles.

These need never change, regardless of the circumstances. Take advantage of external confusion to become self-directed, self-managed, and self-motivated.

8.  Forget about events, focus on your responses

When things are going well, many people think they are actually in control of events. That’s why they feel so defeated and depressed when things turn bad. They think they’ve lost some fundamental ability.

The most consistently successful people in the world know they can’t control events – but continually work toward greater control over their creative responses to events.

Any period when things are uncertain is an excellent time to focus all of your attention and energies on being creatively responsive to all of the unpredictable events that lie ahead.

9.   Forget about what’s missing, focus on what’s available

When things change for the worse, many desirable resources are inevitable missing – including information, knowledge, tools, systems, personnel, and capabilities. These deficiencies can paralyse many people, who believe they can’t make decisions and take action.

A strategic response is to take advantage of every resource that is immediately available in order to achieve as many small results and make as much daily progress as possible.

Work with every resource and opportunity at hand, and your confidence will continually grow.

1  Forget about your complaints, focus on your gratitude

When times get tough, everyone has to make a fundamental decision: to complain or to be grateful. In an environment where negative sentiment is rampant, the consequences of this decision are much greater.

Complaining only attract negative thoughts and people.

Gratitude, on the other hand, creates the opportunity for the best thinking, actions, and results to emerge. Focus on everything that you are grateful for, communicate this, and open yourself each day to the best possible consequences.

Resources:
Adopted from Strategic Coach, Dan Sullivan, "The Scary Times" Success Manual

A

Self-Compassion as a Coping Strategy During Stressful Life Events

Self-Compassion, as a psychological strategy for coping with stressful life events, appeared in the psychological literature only recently with Dr. Kristin Neff’s (an educational psychologist in the University of Texas, the world’s foremost expert on self compassion, and the author of, “Self-Compassion: The Key to Human Happiness” ) publications in 2003.

Having a small son with a serious mental illness, she had to cope with such tragedy, passed through feelings of grief, despair and anger to developing a new psychological approach to helping people to deal with the most painful and stressful experiences in their lives.

This article will inform you of  new strategies that focus on developing a new self-to-self relationship based on warmth and compassion. These strategies will always be under your control and can be used at any time, including the time when you lose, fail and are disappointed as well as when you win or excel.

 “You are going to have painful experiences – absolutely every one of us is – are you going to turn them into something healing or are you going to let them destroy your life?” – Dr. Kristin Neff 

1: Developing Self-Compassion: Changing self-criticism to compassionate self correction

Consider your answers to these questions:
● Are you compassionate to yourself when you lose, fail , or face disappointment as well as when you win or excel?
● Are you kind and forgiving to yourself when you feel regret and sadness?
● Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and family? 

How do you feel if people criticise or bullying you? How does it feel? The unpleasantness will make you feel anxious and upset because those threat emotion systems in your brain have been triggered. This will affect your stress systems and your stress hormone, cortisol, will increase. If the criticism is harsh and constant it may make you feel distressed and depressed. Our own thoughts and images can do the same.

Learning to spot self-criticism and learning what to do about it will be a key issue in developing self-compassion.

Kindness involves understanding one’s difficulties and being kind and warm in the face of failure or setbacks rather than harshly judgmental and self-critical.

Imagine two teachers teaching a young child. One focuses on their deficits and picks on them when they make mistakes. The other teacher focuses on what the child does well and encourages the child to improve and learn from their mistakes and offers clear guidance. Which one will help the child’s confidence? Which one do you really prefer?

Compassionate self-correction is about being open to all our weaknesses and limitations (remember, we did not design our brains) but with a genuine wish to improve. Compassionate self-correction is based on being open-hearted and honest about our mistakes with a genuine wish to improve and learn from them.

We need to recognize that our genuine wish is to improve.

Self-criticism, on the other hand, comes from a “fear – and –anger based place”. It is concerned with punishment and is usually backwards-looking, related to things we have done in the past. The problem is that you cannot change a single moment of the past, you can only change the future.

There are many reasons for becoming self-critical. 

One common reason is that others have been critical of us in the past and we simply take their views as accurate. We do not stop to think whether they really wanted to help us and really cared us – in fact they may just have been rather stressed people who were critical of everyone. We just go along with their criticisms of us and never stop to think if they are still reasonable and accurate.

Lots of people tend to beat themselves up and get into the habit of using self-loathing as a way to self – motivate. ” If I didn’t kick myself, I’d never do anything.” This view goes back to childhood where parents and teachers over-focused on the child’s errors and not on their positives. As a result, the child becomes good at self-criticism and punishment but poor at seeing their good points, self-rewarding and valuing.

But when you stop and think about it when has name calling or accusing someone of being a “big loser” ever motivated anyone?

It may also be that we are trying very hard to reach a certain standard or achieve something or present ourselves in a certain way. When it does not work out as we would like this can frighten us because we might think we have let ourselves down or others will be rejecting of us.

“Compassion and gentleness are your right when you lose, fail and are disappointed as well you win or excel.”, Dr Kristin Neff

Research reveals that in comparison to self-esteem, self-compassion is associated with greater emotional resilience, more caring behaviour in relationships and less reactive anger. “
 With self-esteem it’s about how you measure up against others and is, by definition, focused on social comparison, “says Neff. “ You have to be cuter, smarter, faster and richer or you’ve not good enough. So many surveys have shown that Americans rate themselves as ‘above average’ or ‘superior’ on almost every task you query them about, whether it’s level of driving skill or reading speed. Feeling you’re much better than average creates a distinct sense of separation, a sense of distance, and for many it leads to narcissism. Self-esteem so often hinges on winning and is contingent on the attention and approval of others.”

2: Developing Self – Compassion: Recognizing that any experiences, no matter how painful are part of the common human experience

Consider your answers to these questions:
● Isn’t it true that I am not the only one going through such difficult times and that all people experience things like this, or worse, at some point in their lives?
● Can I feel my feelings of pain without getting lost in the drama or storyline of my situation?

When people fail, experience loss or rejection, are humiliated, or confront other negative events, they often feel that their experience is personal and unique when, in reality, everyone experiences problems and suffering.

“When you have self-compassion and something awful happens to you,” says Neff, “you’re able to step back and say, ”Yes, it’s very difficult, what I’m going through right now, and I’m going to acknowledge and feel this grief, but there are many other people who are experiencing much greater suffering. Maybe this isn’t worth getting quite so distressed about.”

Realizing that one is not alone in the experience and that imperfection is part of the shared human experience reduces people’s feelings of isolation and promotes adaptive coping.

It is how Dr Neff is talking about her personal life journey:
“ ...I started to think about how all families have issues and difficulties related to their children at some point in life, even if their children are “normal” and healthy.  I began to see us as just another family and my son’s illness was just one of the unique features of the fabric of our family, not a punishment or defeating disaster. I started feeling a connection with other families rather than isolation.”

3: Self-Compassion: Mindful Acceptance - Maintaining balance and perspective through mindfulness

Dr Neff identified mindfulness as a core component of self-compassion and suggested people who are able to maintain perspective in the face of stress and approach the situation with mindfulness cope more successfully.

Mindfulness is a way of paying attention to your life, on purpose, in the present moment in a non attached way. By observing, non judging or analysing thoughts and feelings, allowing them to ‘come’ and ‘go’ as they come and go. Mindfulness is an intentional way of ‘being’ in life. The present moment is emphasised – the past is in the past and the only influence we can have over the future is to live fully and consciously in the ‘now’.

We highly recommend reading:
Mindfulness as a Practice

Being mindful allows us to be aware of important feelings and other problems that interfere with the daily management of life’s difficulties – this then allows us to make conscious effective decisions about life challenges. The opposite of mindfulness is ‘mindlessness’ where our thoughts and actions can limit our conscious decisions.

Mindfulness takes patience and practice and takes time to develop, it is more a way of being than something you sit and do. Over time you will develop new habits and develop new skills to break free from limiting or unhelpful habits. 

Consider your answers to these questions:
Take a few minutes before you go to sleep and review your day.  Ask yourself :
● Where was I hard on myself?
● What events (internal or external) triggered that harshness within me?
● What feelings did I experience – anger, fear, disgust, shame, frustration, guilt?
● What were the thoughts that triggered these emotions?
● And most important – what beliefs do I hold that fuel these thoughts and feelings?  Beliefs are the cement that holds it all together.
● Finally, stop and imagine what it would feel like to be kinder on yourself in those moments when you believe you “fall short”. What happens to your energy level when you release your judgment?
●Spend five minutes remembering kindnesses that occurred in the day that went well.

Self-compassion is a skill. If you find that developing self-compassion can help you to deal with your life challenging events, we recommend you to consider taking a compassionate mind training (CMT). Results showed that CMT resulted in a significant decrease in depression, anxiety, shame, and self-attacking tendencies. Alternatively, if you would like to learn more about mindfulness or need some professional guidance please contact our counselling unit for an appointment 02 9542 4029.

Resources:

● Self – Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff, Jim Porter

● Self – Compassion, Stress, and Coping, Ashley Batts Allen and Mark R. Leary

● Training Our Minds in , with and for Compassion by Paul Gilbert PhD FBPsS

● Why Do We Continue to Think Self-Compassion is Self-Indulgent? http://intentionalworkplace.com/2011/03/14/why-do-we-continue-to-think-self-compassion-is-self-indulgent/

● What is Self-Love? It’s You Being Compassionate to You, Dr Annette

Christmas Holidays – The Gift We Give Ourselves

Christmas is coming........

As the end of the year draws near, you can possibly find yourself looking forward to the end of the holiday season instead of the beginning. Maybe not everything in your life is the way you want it to be or maybe you experienced some trauma, loss or grief during this year. Maybe you live alone, and very often Christmas time is just a time of loneliness for you, when it seems that everyone in the world has someone to celebrate with – except you.

The truth is that Christmas offers us a wonderful opportunity to reinvent ourselves and take one small step towards a new life, a life that will be a little bit different than the life you had before. A life with more joy, appreciation, excitement and peace.

We might use the end of the year as a time to reflect on our own journey this year. We may ask ourselves what we loved most, what were the most difficult things and the most exciting things for us this year, what we learned and what we could have done differently. We can accept our ups and downs of the year, and decide in which area of our lives we need more attention in the coming New Year. 


Magic of Christmas

Imagine now that this is going to be your happiest holiday season ever.

Make up your mind, that a Christmas season is supposed to bring out the best in us, rather than do us in.

With your expectations set on positive, here are some attitude adjustments to try: 

* I’ll let the holidays flow, rather than trying to make them fit into a fixed schedule.

* I’ll remember that people are more important than things. 

* I’ll relax my expectations for myself and others this year. 

* I’m going to live in the present moment and enjoy each activity for itself instead of always thinking about what is ahead of me. 

* I’m going to approach the holidays with a sense of joyful anticipation and wonder, just like I did when I was a child.                      (by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer)

                                                                                                                   

Each moment of our lives affords us a choice. You have choices of holiday celebrations. Try to find in each present moment of the holiday season something to savor and enjoy. The true meaning of the holidays is one of joy, love, peace and happiness.   


Cultivate a child-like awe and appreciation and have  joyous holidays and a happy New Year!

Stay with us in 2012! 

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Power of Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude is the feeling of being thankful and it comes from the Latin words:

                     gratia , meaning favour, charm and thanks and,

                     gratus, meaning pleasing and grateful

Gratitude is an inspirational force that causes us to draw our attention to the good, the beautiful, and open up a host of possibilities. It is exactly what we need when we are in pain and it can help us to cope with our loss.

It has been irrefutably proven that every emotion and every thought has a measurable frequency. Emotions and thoughts of love and gratitude resonate at a frequency that brings about balance of all the cellular functions of the body. Many studies show that practicing gratitude may be the fastest single pathway to the emotional wellbeing, long life, and prosperity.

Your brain can only hold one thought at a time! Choose that thought! Choose to live in “An Attitude of Gratitude”. If you are grateful for something, it is impossible to hold on to thoughts of anger, grief, and hate.

Most of us are thankful for the good health, families we love, our jobs and for our opportunity to live our lives the way we want to. Yes, it very easy to be grateful for pleasant and peaceful experiences.

The difficulty comes in being grateful for the things that upset, offend, hurt and injure us. Grief can be the result of many events such as the loss of a family member, friend or pet, serious illness, separation or divorce, or a move to an unfamiliar town.

 “How can I be thankful for anything when I am grieving and in pain? I can’t begin to think about appreciation or being grateful”.

Nothing and no one can truly be destroyed.

When you heat an ice cube, it turns to water. If you continue heating that water, it turns to steam. The essence of the ice cube remains; just the form is different.  

Maybe not everything in our lives is the way we want it to be, but some things are wonderful, and the things that aren’t so wonderful will get better in time. Experience of emotional pain is opportunities to learn love. Even the deepest, darkest sorrows have an equal amount of joy – the sooner we find it, the sooner we experience the blessings. Developing a mental “Attitude of Gratitude” will give you inner strength that will bring you inner peace in such difficult time of your life.

When times get tough, everyone has to make a fundamental decision: to complain or to be grateful. Focus on everything that you are grateful for, communicate this, and open yourself each day to the best possible consequences.

Developing Attitude of Gratitude:

 ● List three achievements you are proud of accomplishing. For each of the achievements you listed write five ways you received help from others. 

● List the three most recent act of service you have performed. Then write five ways these acts of love helped you fulfil your own inspired dreams. 

● When grieving, if anger hangs around too long in your thoughts, switch your attention to a person, place, or thing you are grateful for.  Use your self-talk to change the scene: “I have this anger and rightly so, but I am choosing to be thankful for all of the help I am receiving from my friends/my family. I am truly grateful.”

"Be grateful for the learning experience of loss.

You cannot change what has happened – it has happened.

You can change the way you think about it!!

Feel gratitude for the life-enhancing opportunity to learn and grow from this."

                                                                        Ken B Marslew, CEO of EIE

Resources:

Time to Take a Chance/ by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Grief and the Attitude of Gratitude by Joseph Burgo, PH.D.

Keep your attitude of gratitude – even during grief by Ann Ulrich Miller

How Gratitude Will Reduce the Pain of Grief by Lou LaGrand

Happiness and Joy

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     JOY: HOW IT WORKS

We have feelings about our needs (like food, air, water, etc.).
When needs are satisfied we feel joy.

We have feelings about our wants (for love and affection, even for things like a new house, car, etc.).
When wants are satisfied we feel joy.

Our emotions constantly push us toward joy. When we use our anger positively, we increase our odds of getting what we want and to feel joy.

When we use our sadness positively, we replace what we’ve lost and feel joy again.

When we use our fear well, we protect ourselves and feel joy.

We feel excited whenever we are “on our way” toward what we want! Excitement mobilizes our energy to keep us on track toward joy.

Source: About Joy by Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist 

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TAKING THE TIME TO FEEL THE JOY

Life is changing constantly, and that means that our wants, needs, feelings and choices are changing too. We need to re-evaluate them on a regular basis.

Ask yourself questions:
“What is truly important to me in my life, and why?”
“What is in my day that is stopping me feeling happy?”.

Your goal is to find your top priorities in your life and focus on what really matters for you. Make sure you know what are your true needs and wants, and why. Everyone you know probably has an opinion about what should be important to you. Keep in mind that this is your life, your needs and your wants.

Consider a Concept Living by Half by Jonar C. Nader : “Half everything in your life that is not adding value to you , so you will have time to double anything else that creates value and bring more daily enjoyment.” Try to balance your “need to do” activities with a few things you really want to do.
It is important to make time every day for the things you really enjoy.

GETTING MORE JOY IN YOUR LIFE

• Give yourself small doses of joy regularly using your IMAGINATION.
  The easiest way to get more joy in your life is to simply IMAGINE that you’ve got something you want. Close your eyes and picture a situation or place that feels peaceful and joyful. Are you a music lover? Tune in to the soundtrack of nature-crashing waves and birds singing. Buy a small fountain, so you can enjoy the soothing sound of running water in your home. Surround yourself with smells using scented candles, scented sheets, or your favourite perfume.
  
• Consider the habitual regular joys.
  Every single time we take care of a bodily need we feel a considerable amount of joy. Experiment with your sense of touch: give yourself a hand or neck massage, wear clothing that feels soft against your skin, pet a dog or cat. Taste! When we eat a great meal we feel quite a bit of joy. Movement ! Anything that engages the muscles can work: go for a short walk, dance, even some simple breathing exercises can bring more joy to you.
  
• Don’t forget about the joy of getting “Stuff”, but remember that this feels good only for a relatively short while.
  There is real joy to be had from getting stuff (everything from new clothes to a new house). Take the time to enjoy these things, but don’t be surprised when you notice that abrupt end to such joys. The excitement of a new car usually lasts only a few days or weeks, and it then just becomes background. The excitement of new shoes, or clothes last only hours or days before it become background.
  
• Give and receive joy of affection & attention.
  Hang out with people who bring out the best in you. Send blessings to people who are hurting, imprisoned, or in pain. We all want the same three things: to give love, to receive love and to know that we matter. Simple acts of kindness such as a smile at strangers or giving a compliment will not cost you anything, but they add enjoyment to your life and the lives of those around you.
  
• The BIGGEST JOYS will come!
  The biggest joys of life come from getting your needs met regularly and from getting big doses of attention and affection. Regularly examine your life’s priorities, your new wants and needs and give them first place in your life. Take care of your own needs and wants, plan your time for small and “stuff” joys and your biggest joys will definitely come!

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IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS:

After each bite of food,
After each trip to the bathroom(!),
after each “stroke” you get from the people who like you,
after every opportunity for joy,
stop everything for a moment
and
NOTICE THAT GOOD FEELING OF JOY!

  Source:  About Joy by Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist
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Stress Management : Finding the Relaxation that Work for You

People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions and their behaviour. They are able to handle life’s inevitable challenges, build strong relationships, and lead productive fulfilling lives. When bad things happen, they’re able to bounce back and move on.

One of the key factors in your emotional health is the ability to balance your emotions. The capacity to recognize your emotions and express them appropriately helps you avoid getting stuck in depression, anxiety, or other negative mood states.

Stress takes a heavy toll on emotional health, so it’s important to keep it under control. While not all stresses can be avoided, stress management strategies can help you bring things back into balance. Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems.

Dealing with Stressful Situations: The Four A’s Strategies

Think about the way you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Are you coping strategies healthy or unhealthy, helpful or unproductive?

Unhealthy strategies of coping with stress include smoking; drinking alcohol; overeating; zoning out for hours in front of the TV or computer; withdrawing from friends, family , activities; using pills to relax; procrastinating; taking out your stress on others; filling up every minute of the day to avoid facing problems.

We highly recommend reading:
Stress Management Strategies ( four As)

There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction.

When deciding which option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four As: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept. Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution to managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.

Change the situation:

Avoid the stressor – Stress management strategy #1 (Avoid unnecessary stress)

Alter the stressor – Stress management strategy #2 ( Alter the situation)

Change your reaction:

Adapt to the stressor – Stress management strategy #3 (Adapt to the stressor)

Accept the stressor – Stress management strategy #4 (Accept the things you can’t change).

Stress management strategy #5:

Find the relaxation that is working for you and make regular time for it

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you will be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitable come.

Identify your body’s stress response:

Internally, we all respond to stress the same: our blood pressure rises, our heart pumps faster, and our muscles constrict. When stressed, our bodies work hard and drain our immune system.

Externally, however, people tend to respond to stress in three different ways: some become angry and agitated, others space out or withdraw, and still others freeze up.

How do you act when stressed?

Overexcited stress response – If you tend to become angry, agitated, or keyed up under stress, you will response best to stress relief activities that quiet you down such as meditation, deep breathing, or guided imagery.

Under excited stress response – If you tend to become depressed, withdrawn, or spaced out under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating and that energize your nervous system, such as rhythmic exercise.

Frozen stress response (both overexcited and under excited) – If you tend to freeze: speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others, your challenge is to identify stress relief activities that provide both safety and stimulation to help you ‘reboot’ your system. Techniques such as mindfulness walking or power yoga might work well for you.

Making relaxation techniques a part of your life

The best way to start and maintain a relaxation practice is to incorporate it into your daily routine. Between work, family, school, and other commitments, though, it can be tough for many people to find the time.

• If possible, schedule a set time to practice each day

Set aside one or two periods each day. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.

• Practice relaxation techniques while you are doing other things

Meditate while commuting to work on a bus or train, or waiting for a dentist appointment. Try deep breathing while you are doing housework or mowing the lawn. Mindfulness walking can be done while exercising your dog, walking to your car, or climbing the stairs at work instead of using the elevator.

• If you exercise, improve the relaxation benefits by adopting mindfulness

Instead of zoning out or staring at a TV as you exercise, try focusing your attention on your body. If you are resistance training, for example, focus on coordinating your breathing with your movements and pay attention to how your body feels as you raise and lower the weights.

Learning stress management will not happen overnight. Like any skill, it takes time, self-exploration and above all, practice. But think of it as an education with a huge payoff.

Resources: http://www.helpguide.org/toolkit/emotional_health.htm

Related articles:
Mindfulness Meditation
Guided Self Empowerment Meditation
Are You Ready for Change?

Coping with Change and Transition in Life

Life is always at some turning point.
~Irwin Edman~

Transition and change are a part of life and the human experience. All of life is ever changing.

Transition and change come in many forms and can be sudden or gradually evolving, stressful, pleasurable, or a mixture of both!

We change our relationships, jobs, where we live, sometimes our values and beliefs, our goals in life; as well as changes in health. With transition and change comes some type of adjustment, roles and responsibilities can change with changing life circumstances.

The more organic transitions in life are obvious, the cycle from birth to death. In fact all of life is made up of ‘little deaths’. As we transition through life we let go of childhood for adolescence, through to our old age.

There are many positive aspects to change, these include:

• new experiences and opportunities
• stimulation for new ideas and ways of thinking
• new strengths such as more self confidence
• change helps you to prioritise and problem solve

There can be many different emotions and feelings associated with change and transition depending on life experience, situation and circumstances. Some of these might be: fear of the unknown stress and/or anxiety depression anger.

Symptoms associated with these feelings or emotions can be:

• tiredness or lack of sleep
• lack of concentration
• feeling pessimistic
• feeling overwhelmed

Some important positive strategies for coping with change and transition in life are:

• to stay flexible
• caring for your physical and emotional health
• maintaining your life flow by keeping some kind of ‘routine’
• staying in touch with friends and social networks
• using stress reduction techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, breathing exercises
• starting a wish list of new plans and goals to fit your new circumstances
• embracing the new changes
• taking it one step at a time
• keeping your sense of humour
• talking to helpful people, such as a counsellor or someone you can trust
• not allowing yourself to be vulnerable, staying safe in whatever way you need

We cannot stop change, it is a necessary part of our lives and helps build resilience physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. Even though change at times can be painful and difficult we can usually find something positive from the experience.

If you are having difficulty accepting or transitioning through change in your life, our professional counsellors are trained facilitators of learning and change who can guide you to making better decisions and help with problem solving.

To make an enquiry or find out more about our services, please see our website www.enoughisenough.org.au or contact our office on Ph: 9542 4029

Deborah, Counsellor at Enough is Enough

Positive Life Change

We must learn to view change as a natural phenomenon - to anticipate it and to plan for it. The future is ours to channel in the direction we want to go.. we must continually ask ourselves, "What will happen if.." or better still, "How can we make it happen?".
~Lisa Taylor~

The big question: What exactly do you want to change about your life? Click here.

Related articles:
Are You Ready to Change? Managing Change.
The Cycle of Change. Managing Change.