Kimi Alcott – Aboriginal Artist and Presenter at Enough is Enough

Kimi like so many Australian Indigenous woman found herself in violent relationships which saw her close to giving up on life itself. This is when Kimi discovered her talent for painting. Her emotions are shown through her artwork.

Kimi was born in a small country town as a Wiradjuri woman in a home where alcohol was very dominant in the family with her father being physically abusive as well.
After several abusive relationships, Kimi moved with her children to the east coast of NSW where she knew no-one and started a new life. She obtained work and welcomed the chance to partake in any education or training available to her. Although being a single mother her children never went without and she was always there for them.

“What always got me through was knowing there is always someone worse off than yourself, so appreciate what you have”. - Kimi Alcott


We invite you now to take a short journey through Kimi’s paintings and discover for yourself her world of the thoughts and feelings through art, belonging to one of the most oldest cultures in the world - Aboriginal Australia. 

To find out more about domestic violence programs, presenting by Kimi Alcott at Enough is Enough, please click here.

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Indigenous Community : Hope for the Future

Australian Aboriginal People

2.5%     Indigenous population in Australia in 2006
28%      Percentage of Aboriginal children with teenage mums
3           Times the Aboriginal male suicide rate is higher than non-Indigenous men. Most suicides happen between 25 and 34 years of age

It is not easy to define Aboriginal identity. People who identify themselves as 'Aboriginal' range from dark-skinned, broad-nosed to blonde-haired, blue-eyed people, very much to the surprise of non-Indigenous people. Aboriginal people define Aboriginality not by skin colour but by relationships.
55%     Percentage of mixed partnerships in 1996 where the woman was of Indigenous identity

Domestic & Family Violence
If you are an Indigenous woman living in rural and remote areas, you are 45 times more likely to experience domestic violence than a white woman. Violence patterns are passed on from parents to their children. It takes police up to two years to respond to cases of domestic violence and take victims seriously. Domestic violence in indigenous community extends to one-on-one fighting, abuse of Indigenous community workers and self-harm, injury or suicide.
4         Times an Aboriginal youth is more likely to be a victim of domestic violence than their white peer
40%    Percentage Indigenous children make up of all hospital admissions in the age group 0 to 4 who are admitted for assault

In 2008 Aboriginal men gathered to discuss how they could prevent domestic violence and why Aboriginal men were violent. They also tried to explain the background of male domestic violence :
Patrick Dodson said that "there has been a process of undermining the role and status of Aboriginal men within our society since the early days of Australia's colonisation and continuing in recent commentary around the Northern Territory intervention."

Chairman of the Central Australian Aboriginal Congress John Liddle adds that "when you add to this the rapid changes in the role of males within that colonising society and the consequent dislocation of non-Aboriginal males and their struggle to define new self-images, it is no wonder that Aboriginal males may struggle to make sense of the contemporary world."

"And if those critical views of us as Aboriginal males are expressed with no effort to understand our cultural values, or the pressures caused by the colonial relationships and contemporary social transformations, then we become alienated from this society."

"This alienation is at the core of the struggle for male health and well-being, as it acts to debase men, stripping away their dignity and the meaning in their lives. We therefore need to confront these social relationships that shape our health."

In our next post Indigenous Community: Hope for the Future ,we'll tell you about Kimi Alcott , Aboriginal Artist and Enough is Enough'  Coordinator and Presenter for Indigenous Programs "Promise Keeper" and "Silent Anger".
We'll tell her story in the hope she may help others learn that there is hope and you can move on and stay strong and proud of who YOU are.

 
References:http://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/people/domestic-violence.html

The Cycle of Change. Managing Change.

Change rarely runs smoothly. You cannot eliminate these challenges. But you can at least set expectations so that no one is surprised by what happens.

The change cycle normally takes the following pattern:

Stage 1: The enthusiasm of an early start with some early wins.

Stage 2: The fall into despair as the challenges and the opposition mount.

Stage 3: The valley of death. This is where it seems that things cannot get worse. 

Stage 4: The roller coaster moves back up as you start to see thta success is possible. Enthusiasm builds the closer you get to the finish line.

Remember, people reach levels of success for change at different times.

Please read:

Coping with Change and Transition in Life 

Are You Ready to Change? Managing Change

Bibliography Jo Owen(2006) The Leadership Skills Handbook Kogan Page

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Are You Ready to Change? Managing Change.

Change is about people. Most  people do not like change.
Change involves hard work and risk:

• Will I succeed?
• Will I need new skills?
• Will I still have a job/a partner/a family after the change?

The big question: What exactly do you want to change about your life? Click here.

Change succeeds when:

N X V X C X F > R

N= need for change. How much pain and threat do you experience with the way things are at the moment?

V= vision of the end result. Do you see the benefits of change?

C= capability and credibility. Do you have a successful track record of change?

F= first steps. Do you have some practical first steps that build momentum, achieve some early wins and build confidence?

R= risks and costs of change. How large are the personal and financial costs of the change?

Repeat this exercise to see how ready you are to change.

We must learn to view change as a natural phenomenon - to anticipate it and to plan for it. The future is ours to channel in the direction we want to go.. we must continually ask ourselves, "What will happen if.." or better still, "How can we make it happen?".
~Lisa Taylor~

Related articles:
Coping with change and transition in life

The Cycle of Change. Managing Change.

Bibliography Jo Owen(2006) The Leadership Skills Handbook Kogan Page

To keep up to date with our news, new articles and current events connect with us on Twitter, Facebook, and our E-Newsletter.
For information about Enough is Enough Anti Violence Movement visit: www.enoughisenough.org.au

Peacemaker Project in Schools NSW

Cranbrook School , Sydney received an award in recognition of their support of the Peacemaker Project from Ken Marslew on Wednesday 25 November 2009 at a special school assembly. Cranbrook school is one of 20 schools across NSW, that were honoured as peacemakers for their active involvement in the Peacemaker Project for the last eight years. Ken congratulated the school on their dedication to building a harmonious school in their local community.

The Peacemaker Project is the schools program that has been taken to over 300 schools across NSW focusing on the issues of personal responsibility, overcoming adversity, facing fear, maintaining self control and building inner strength, resilience and developing leadership skills. The project is comprised of  life skills modules, covering everything from anger management and bullying , drink-driving and binge drinking to sexual violence and gender issues.

The modules are taught by dynamic presenters, many of who have experienced real-life tragedies in their own families through violence, drugs, alcohol or the death of a loved one. All their stories are real.

“Their passion comes from experience and the students respond to that. The people that are with us are people who have turned the single most negative experience in their life into something positive. If you can give kids a message or a role model like that, in today’s environment, then you can give kids hope.” – said Ken Marslew.
The project is offered as a series of sessions and also can be run as an entire day’s program, at the school’s convenience.

“Our mission is to reach as many kids as possible – of any age – to reinforce what they are being taught about on the core values of society.”

Peacemaker Project - Life Skills to Change, Challenge and Save Lives - for every High School Student. Download Peacemaker Project brochure. (PDF 1 MB).

How to Think More Positively

Worrying or thinking negatively affect our ability to focus on getting better and makes us more vulnerable to unhealthy emotions.

To start controlling worry and reducing negative thinking write down what you are worried about. Then...

• Go through each concern and examine all the possible positive and negative outcomes
• Think about how realistic your negative thoughts are
• Explore alternative thoughts  and explanations
• Try to focus on the positive
• Keep busy and focus on tasks
• Think positively. Think about your skills, talents and achievements
• Remember good times
  

Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire. Understanding Compulsive Lying

A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Medically speaking, compulsive liars can have serious personality disorders. A few are psychopathic, but others are suffering from some form of neurosis which if often linked to stress and childhood trauma.

There are a number of reasons that people lie. The first is fear. This is the most common reason that people may lie, and they are taking shelter from a perceived punishment. It may be because they know they have done something wrong a single time, in which case it is not compulsive lying. But if they are always in fear of being punished, it may become a habit, which is a second reason for lying. In this case it may become compulsive lying, which is lying by reflex. Even when confronted by the truth, they insist the lie is the truth in this case. A third case is learning to lie through modeling. When a people see others lie, especially when they get away with it, they may become more prone to lying.

Finally, people lie because they feel if they tell the truth they won’t get what they want. Thus, out of the main reasons for lying, only lying by habit can truly be called “compulsive lying”. 

Not all compulsive liars have the mental illness; some people lie to get ahead, to make themselves look better or just to evoke an elaborate reaction.

There is a difference between Pathological and Compulsive liars. A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused  - it is done to get one's way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self- centred.


Since you can’t force someone into treatment for compulsive lying, it can be difficult to deal with that person. Either you can humour the person by just listening and not putting much faith in what he or she say, or avoid the person entirely. Many people who have trouble telling the truth will do it for the reaction; they will most likely not embellish the truth as much.

If you think someone you know lies compulsively, you can discuss the possibility of counselling. Chances are high that the person will deny it and refuse treatment. If the person decides to go to therapy, but does not believe he or she has a problem, or not willing to change his or her behaviour, treatment is most likely not effective. 

Treatment involves the person seeing a counselor to discuss the reason behind the fibs, role-playing to practice telling the truth, and then homework assignments to try outside of therapy. Homework assignments may consist of having to resist the urge to fib a certain number of times in a week, and then reporting to the therapist how he or she did. With practice, the person may be able to break the addiction of telling lies. Hypnotherapy could also helps.
Do you have a technique to share or a real-life example of success in dealing with this problem? 
 References:
Truth About Deception. http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/confront_a_liar/public/pathological-compulsive.html
What is Compulsive Lying? http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=95

Goal Setting and Achieving Strategies

Goal Setting is part of a positive life style. It is about personal responsibility, performance and productivity in your life time. Plan to achieve what you want from life then act on it. 

This short online preview video represents an idea of what our Program will deliver. 

Have a program run in your school, community group or business. Contact us for details http://www.enoughisenough.org.au/

How to Take Care of Yourself

So often we encourage someone to “take care of yourself” without giving too much thought as to how this is to be done in practical terms.  Caring for others and attending to their needs, and putting our own needs last, comes more easily to us than caring for ourselves.

“Self care” then, is not generally something that most of us are good at doing.  We have to consciously take responsibility for caring for ourselves particularly after experiencing a traumatic event in our lives.

Looking after yourself is far from being selfish and indulgent.  This is stressed by Allan Wolfelt in his book, “Healing Your Traumatized Heart”.   Caring for yourself is about acknowledging how important you are and ensuring that your physical, psychological and emotional needs are being met – at least to some degree.   He writes:

“To be self-nurturing is to have the courage to pay attention to your needs. Above all, self-nurturing is about self-acceptance. When we recognise that self-care begins with ourselves, we no longer think of those around us as being totally responsible for our well being. Healthy self care frees us to mourn in ways that help us heal and that is nurturing indeed.”

Caring for your Physical needs

• Eg eating, drinking, sleeping, exercise
• What are some of the ways you care for your PHYSICAL needs?   
• What works well for you and what do you need to consider more?

Caring for your Psychological needs

• This is about your thoughts, your beliefs, your memories and the images in your mind.
• How do you cope with the stress, anxieties, the triggers and frustrations of dealing with your grief?
• How have your beliefs changed since this trauma?

Caring for your Emotional needs

• This is about your grieving self… outbursts of grief, intensity of feelings of loss and longing to see your loved one again. 

Remember all your reactions are a normal response to a traumatic event.   Be patient with yourself and be tolerant of your limits at this most difficult time.

Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and go beyond just surviving.

Practical Strategies to Deal with Bullying from Renowned Australian Personalities and Experts - DVD Highlights

Providing practical strategies to effectively deal with bullying was the focus of the Enough is Enough POSITIVE SOLUTIONS Anti-Bullying Conference.

Please watch our short trailer video from the conference.

Speakers include personalities Jessica Rowe, Jason Stevens and John Stanley; renowned anti-bullying expert Professor Ken Rigby, Assistant Commissioner for Corrective Services Luke Grant, and a line-up of professionals covering topics from early intervention strategies to the likely progression to crime and domestic violence when left unchecked. Teenagers Nathan Cassar and Thomasa Wan Lum discuss their personal experiences in overcoming bullying and violence.

This DVD and workbook package is going out to every high school in NSW for FREE. Does your secondary school have their copy yet? If not please order online now and we will send you one out immediately. Don't miss out on your chance to receive a resource to combat bullying in your school.

Violence in Society

Violence creates trauma in society and to the individuals involved leaving them feeling vulnerable, disempowered and betrayed - whether the violence is perpetrated by strangers or loved ones, a victim of violence will feel bewildered on many levels.

Common after effects are trauma and anxiety which can create physical symptoms including impaired sleep, hyper-arousal and depression - these symptoms really need to be worked through in a holistic way, every individual through their own experiences in life will have had other experiences that will in some way reflect their own reactions to the betrayal that is violence.

As a community we need to bring more awareness to these issues. We also need a more proactive approach to underlying causes like alcohol and drug issues, domestic violence, anger management and bullying. Education programs based on personal responsibility can result in a reduction of violence in society and help bring some understanding for perpetrators of violence. Enough is Enough runs early education youth programs in schools and Anger Management programs in small groups for adults.

At Enough is Enough we run many workshops and groups for educating people of all ages about these issues both for victims and perpetrators. Our emphasis is on “helping people help themselves” through developing strategies for positive changes in their lives. Our counselling services help people in the community to overcome the effects of crime and violence. Support services provide a caring environment in which people may share their experiences with others in similar circumstances, feel supported and gain access to information.

Other services include “Conferencing” where in a structured, assisted, safe, format, victims get a chance to confront those who have caused them harm and “Advocacy and Court Support” which can be organised where additional support is required while people attend court.

Observations of an Ordinary Bloke - ON BULLYING

Bullying in schools is not the tip of the iceberg, it is part of  ' what lies beneath'. The real tip of the iceberg is the increased level of violence that appears to be happening across society, across the world - road rage, trolley rage, queue rage, levels of assault, increased levels of domestic violence. Bullying is the precursor to this epidemic. How bullying is dealt with in its early stages will have a long-term impact on society.

There is plenty of talk but little action. Bullying is different things to different people, but if an initial description and standardized policy is agreed upon, the issue can be dealt with together. There are some good anti-bullying strategies available and in many schools. Some suggestions for school include counselling and enrollment into programs to deal with their behaviour (perhaps programs that the whole year group can be involved in). For example, emotional management, relationships, conflict resolution and life skills, aligned with curriculum. 

When dealing with those who are the target of bullying and harassment, it is necessary to be mindful that victims are not given assistance in the development of an impact statement. Protecting them at school may be possible, but not in the broader community, and this may set them up to be victims elsewhere. Building resilience in these people is critical in their long-term ability to deal with similar issues. 


It would be beneficial to encourage the philosophy of Victim, Survivor, Thriver - The Journey.   



Read more here  (Observations of an Ordinary Bloke - ON BULLYING - by Ken Marslew, Educational Activities Magazine)

Ken Marslew has been working in the area of positive behaviour change for over a decade. Following the murder of his son Michael in 1994, he formed the organisation Enough is Enough Anti Violence Movement Inc.  Ken Marslew's pragmatic approach to dealing with change sees his programs in over twenty correctional centres across NSW, working with men, women and juveniles. He also runs programs for behaviourally challneged students in high and primary schools NSW. For more information about EIE anti bullying programs in schools, the content and availability, please visit our School Programs Page.