Change Management

Imagine you are steering a boat far out at sea. Below the deck, out of sight, lies a vast horde of demons. These demons have many different forms. 

Some of them are emotions such as guilt, anger, fear or hopelessness. Some are memories of times in which you see yourself performing badly. 

Now, as long as you keep that boat drifting out at sea, the demons will stay below. But as soon as you start steering toward land, they clamber up from below deck. You don't like that very much, so you cut a deal: "If your demons stay out of sight, down below, I'll keep the boat drifting out at sea." The demons agree and everything seems OK - for a while. The problem is, eventually you get fed up of being at sea. 

You get bored, lonely, miserable, resentful and anxious. "What sort of life is this?" you think. " The land over there - that's where I want to be heading". But the demons down below aren't particularly interested in what you want. They want to stay out at sea. So the moment you start heading for land, they swam up onto the deck and start threatening you again.

As soon as we start to do something new, our mind will start warning us "You might fail"; "You might get rejected". And all too often we let these warnings stop us from taking our lives in the direction we really want. Rather than sail for shore, we drift at sea.  

Depending on the nature of your current situation, - you may choose to start a new relationship, pursue a new career, make some new friends, improve your physical fitness, or taking a course - but whatever meaningful changes you start to make in your life, these demons will rear their ugly heads and try to discourage you.

However, if you keep steering your boat toward shore (no matter how much the demons threaten you), many of them will realise they are having no effect and will give up and leave you alone. And more importantly, you'll find that you will not just have demons; you'll soon encounter angels and dolphins.

PADALAR IN THE C OF LIFE
(CHANGE MANAGEMENT TIPS)

Purpose
Knowing what is most valuable to you gives you direction in life. You can focus the majority of your time and energy on these values.

Identify your highest priorities

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and relax. Imagine yourself in a favourite place where you can take a few minutes to think. The time is many years from now. You have lived a long and full life. Reflect your life from this point. What did you most enjoy experience and doing? What did you most appreciate accomplishing or having? Write your answers.

Turn your highest priorities to goals

Goals are objectives you want to achieve. The difference between goals and simply dreams is that you really like to put money and time to accomplish your goals. If you want to live to a ripe old age to travel the world with old friends, your short term and medium goals can be taking care of your health, cultivating friendship and making money.

Action
To achieve each of your short/medium/long time goals you need to identify the specific steps that you need to take in order to achieve each of them.

Developing an Action Plan

Imagine that you have already achieved your goal. How would you feel, look, behave, sound? How would people around you respond to you? Now begin to work backwards from fantasized image. Ask yourself what steps you must have taken to achieve your objective.
Did you need to develop new skills?
How much time it will take?
How did you deal with obstacles such as fear?
How did you motivate yourself to keep doing?

Discipline
Discipline is a set of rules that you put on yourself to reach your goals.

How many times have you started to do something, only to quit after a short while? How many times have you felt too weak, lazy, shy or bored to do something you promised yourself to do? With so many distractions around you, what does it take to stay focused on your goals and dreams, and what does it take to succeed? 


The answer is self-discipline or self-control. Anyone can develop a self-discipline. It takes time to develop, but the more you practice using self-discipline the stronger it will become. The more disciplined you become, the easier life gets. Learn here some strategies and techniques on how to develop self-discipline.

Attitude
You carry your attitude around with you, like a pair of glasses that tints your perception of the world.

Your experience, education and personality shape your attitude to everything around you. Depending on how you perceive the world, you will interpret and react differently to situations than someone who has a different view. Your tinted glasses (your attitude) will affect how you think, how you behave and even how you feel.

Love
Love has been defined as a "strong positive emotion", a feeling of "warm affection", and "exclusive devotion". Things can be loved, such as hobbies, places or ideas.

Love is a very powerful emotion, capable of bringing out the best in people and the worst in people. The emotion of love is what makes a person deliriously happy or constantly heartsick.

Achieve

Responsibility

Resources:
Your Life - Your Responsibility. Ken B Marslew AM
The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living. Dr Russ Harris

Enough is Enough thanks the girls who participated in our Dreamtime Divas Project and for their beautiful self portraits taken during their time at Enough is Enough .

Helping Your Child Deal with Grief

As parents, we want to protect our children from everything. Unfortunately, there is a whole world of life experience out there that we can’t control. One of the most difficult situations that every child faces eventually is grief. 

Grief can be the result of many events such as the loss of a family member, friend or pet, separation or divorce of parents, or a move to an unfamiliar town.

To help children cope with grief, it is first important to make sure that the children understand it is ok to grieve and every person grieves in a different manner. Just as people are different and enjoy different things, people also grieve differently and receive help and support in different ways.

Reassure Your Child that This Is Not His Fault:

The first thing you can do to help your child cope with grief is let him know that the death/loss is not his fault. Human nature often leads all of us to believe that there was something more that we could have done to prevent a situation. If a child feels that he is somehow responsible for the event, he can harbour unimaginable pain, guilt and anger. In this case, you need explain that you understand how he feels, but that it was absolutely not his fault and not was caused as a result of his actions.

Talk With a Child in Language He/She Can Understand:

Use language that reflects what the child can see, hear, touch, and feel. Provide factual information about the event to your child. 

If not provided with information a child may use his imagination and create unhelpful or inaccurate stories about what has happened. 

The child should be give an honest explanation of the death and the events that lead to it. Statements like “Grandmother has gone to sleep”, or “He was so sick”, are not good explanations, because children sleep and get sick. It is better to indicate that a certain organ was not functioning properly and as a result the loved one died.

“How do you explain death to a child? A good place to begin is with what you yourself believe about death and what comes after, says Dr Dina Hankin(2). “ You can explain while the person’s body won’t be with us anymore, their soul and memory will be.” Answer questions honesty. Vague answers often confuse children and increase their fears and uncertainty. “It’s also OK to tell a child “I don’t know” when they ask some of the tougher questions, like what is it like right before or after a person dies. “Just like anything, if you can be comfortable with it, your child probably will be as well.”

Dr Hankin often helps kids come to terms with the impending death of a terminally ill sibling. She stresses that “it is important to help children create positive, lasting memories of the person who is dying.” Children may want to draw pictures for the person who is ill or just spend time with them. “Don’t put pressure on them to do it in any particular way. Just give them the opportunity to do so", she advises.

Listen and Share:

Take the time to listen to what your child has to say and encourage him to be open. Share a similar experience you had, how it made you feel, and how you got through it. In the event that your child’s grief stemmed from the loss of a person or pet let him know that you are sad, too. It is OK for you to cry when talking about the loss. Explain why you are crying, e.g. you miss the person. Your child has to know that he is not alone. 

Remember, that you are his role model for how one goes about expressing grief. 

Expressing feelings of love is extremely beneficial at a time of loss.

Find Positive Diversions:

Children will feel an empty gap in their lives, especially if the loved one was a close member of the family. Having a picture or memorable item on hand to give to your child will help to fill that gap. It is also a good idea to have your children express their feelings. Feelings can be written down in the form of poetry or a letter. Giving your child a journal will give them a private place to store their thoughts. Encourage physical activity or artful expression. 

Help your child find ways to occupy his body and mind. 

You may meet some initial resistance, but in the long run, it will work wonder for him. Play with him at the park. Buy him a new art set. Help him get back into the things he enjoyed before the crisis hit.

Watch Your Child Behaviour:

Grief, depression and stress can cause behaviour changes. Keep an eye on your child’s behaviour. Early on, sadness, anger and confusion are common, expected and completely normal. 


If it has been 4 weeks since the event happened and your child refuses to leave your side, this may be a red flag that he is still having an extremely hard time coping with the situation. Pay close attention to long term displays of the following behaviour: nightmares, withdrawal, anger, separation anxiety. If you are seeing a consistent pattern of these behaviours, you may want to consider professional assistance.

Actively responding to your child’s sadness with the proper love and care, will strengthen your relationship and prevent ongoing hard ships related to the event. While the child’s grief is certainly individual and personal, the child is still grieving in a family environment. While these situations are difficult to handle, they also opportunities for your family to grow closer as a unit; to learn to hurt and heal together. 

Ten Lessons About Grief From Children

Teaching children about grief is an important task. They need to be informed about what they may be experiencing and be assured of being loved and supported. 

At the same time, adults can learn from observing the ways children grieve because more times than not, children are just like adults in their grief, yet more honest and candid. 

The following observations are from working with hundreds of children ages 7-16 who have lost a loved one.

Lesson 1:

Some things will make you cry, even when you don’t want to cry. You weren’t really planning on crying, but the memory was too strong not to cry. It’s ok to cry, especially when you’ve got people around you crying.

Lesson 2:

Sometimes you need to take a break from grieving. Learning the lessons of grief is an important task, but so is resting and having fun.

Lesson 3:

Just because someone is laughing and having fun doesn’t mean they’re still not hurting. Taking breaks from our grief doesn’t mean the grief isn’t still there. Calm water on the surface doesn’t mean it’s completely calm underneath.

Lesson 4:

It’s nice to know people are willing to listen to you, but it’s even nicer to have them be willing to wait until you’re ready to talk. Some people have trouble sharing their feelings. They need time to develop trust. They don’t care to let you know, until you have let them know that you care.

Lesson 5:

People who have been through like experiences of loss can communicate on a deep level, with or without words. You don’t necessarily have to hear someone talk about their pain to know it’s real, especially if you’ve experienced something similar.

Lesson 6:

Not everyone wants to participate in ‘group’ activities. Just as people are different and enjoy different things, people also grieve differently and receive help and support in different ways. A favourite book or story may not mean as much to someone else as it does to you. They may find help and support in other ways.

Lesson 7:

Helping children deal with their stuff will bring up your stuff. Time distances, but it doesn’t always heal. Experiencing a loss is not necessarily dealing with a loss. The adult in you may say it’s OK now, but the little child inside of you may still be hurting and need someone to understand.

Lesson 8:

The most meaningful, healing moments may not be on the agenda. A lot of good work at the children’s camp is dome during lesson time, but some of the best work is done sitting by the lake, getting the courage to leap off the tower onto the zip-line, or taking that one last step that helps you reach the top of the wall, knowing that if you climbed that wall there are other walls in your life that you can climb as well.

Lesson 9:

Kids are still kids. They shouldn’t want to stay up late and talk after “lights out” because they are grieving children, and grieving children are different. Not so. Grief is a part of you, but there are other parts, and that’s OK.

Lesson 10:

Even though it hurts to remember, you don’t ever want to stop remembering. As the balloons launch into the sky on Sunday morning at the children’s camp, they go in search of someone we believe will always be out there whether we can see them or not, and knowing that they may find a part of them helps us recover a part of us. Seeing through tears is still seeing. Hearing in silence is still hearing. Feeling with a broken heart is still feeling. It wasn’t in our power to keep you from dying, but our memories of you will live forever.

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Enough is Enough Team Spirit Support Group

Team Spirit is a support group for children and young people who are experiencing anxiety, stress, anger, separation/divorce. It's a place for them to talk and express how they feel in a confidential and safe environment. Fun activities are based around learning effective strategies and coping skills in an interactive manner.

                         Call us now on 02 9542 4029

                        or visit our website: www.enoughisenough.org.au

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Resources:

1. www.parentline.org.au
2. Kids and Grief, How to explain death to children by Lisa Mosckwitz Sadikman
3. Michigan Network for Grieving Chidren, Understanding Children's Grief
4. www.aringinfo.org, Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Loved One
5. Helping Children to Cope with Grief by Kimberly Kim; http://www.gaganine.com/helping-children-to-cope-with-grief/
6. How to Help a Grieving Child, http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources

Finding a Balance in Life: The Love Equation

Think of the people you know who give love in response to negative energy that’s directed their way. There aren’t many people who respond lovingly in that situation. The ones who do are able to because they have love to give away. They know that it’s impossible to give away what they don’t have, and they’ve gone that extra mile to acquire what it is that they want to both attract and give away. 

If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, then begin by taking stock. What have you got to give away? What are you giving out to the universe, and thus, what are you attracting? 

Remember that you can’t give away what you don’t have, but you can change your life by changing what’s going on inside.

Low energy attracts low energy. Low energy thoughts, such as anger, hate, shame, guilt, and fear, weaken you. And they attract more of the same. By changing your inner thoughts to the higher frequencies of love, harmony, kindness, peace, and joy, you’ll attract more of the same, and you’ll have those higher energies to give away.

To begin to change what’s inside you, become more loving toward yourself. In your thoughts, cultivate an inner voice and attitude that’s 100 percent on your team. 
Imagine an inner self that only supports and loves you. You might schedule a certain time of day when that’s the only thought that you allow yourself to pay attention to. Gradually this loving attitude will extend to other people. You’ll begin to receive this energy back and ultimately be able to send thoughts of love and joy to everyone and everything in your world.

Make a pact to remind yourself often of this secret of not being able to give away anything that you don’t have. Then work on your personal program of self-love, self-respect, and self-empowerment, and create a huge inventory of what you wish to give away. 

If what you give is self-respect and self-love, the universe will return the love and respect you’ve been radiating. It’s really so simple. As the Beatles said: “The love you take is equal to the love you make.”

by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer 

Picture from http://www.brucesallan.com/2012/06/02/find-balance-socialmedia-life/

Some Tips for Teenagers Dealing with Conflict and Violence

This article features highlights from the booklet " Pull Ya Head In and Think!" by Kimi Alcott, Cultural Coordinator, available to download from our website (PDF 5 Mb). 

This booklet is for teenagers. It talks about taking responsibility for yourself, respecting others, and about the hardest job of all, Being a Teenager.

Who am I?

• You have a right to be YOU, you don't have to be a size 8 or have the perfect hair... You are beautiful in a way that know other person can be.


• You are here for YOUR JOURNEY, no one else's but YOURS!

Respecting Others

• Everyone such as yourself is on their own personal journey... respect that


• Respect other Cultures:

  Australia is now Multi-cultural, other nationalities can be seen everyday. We should be proud they chose our country to live, but also we don't know why they left their homeland. Maybe their country is not safe or they escaped poverty. Look at other countries and see how they live, and understand how lucky Australia is. We can go to the shop without dodging bullets, we have fresh water and we have government support.

• What someone else thinks of you is none of your business. REALLY who CARES!


• We are ALL unique. Accept others that may be different and hope they respect us in return.

The Journey

If I didn't travel this journey I wouldn't be the person I am today. Each time something doesn't work out I believe it wasn't meant happen this way. And I need to take another direction or path... This mightn't work for you but it does for me.

Look at life as YOUR Journey.

Arguing and Anger

Don't get into arguments, they are a waste of time and energy. Anger is an internal killing machine. Anger does more damage to you than anyone else. Why do this to yourself? MOVE ON.

The Future
You can do whatever You want to do, be what You want to be, but You have to take the First Step.

• Talk to someone
• Contact services
• Move forward
• Do it for YOU
• Take Your Journey

Life with No Violence

Have you...
Been abused in your relationship? Blamed yourself? Felt hopeless and alone? 

Love Control is a groundbreaking film produced by Women's Health In the North, taken directly from young women's experiences of abusive relationships, showing how quickly jealous and controlling behaviour can escalate into full blown violence.

 
Do you recognise a similar situation in your life?

Join our Domestic Violence Support Group. You can share common experiences and receive emotional support, information, and practical help with resources. 

Professional counselling is available.