December 10, 2010

Holiday Driving Safety Tips

Christmas is coming!!!!
It is a special time for family celebration, so make sure that you celebrate and return home safely. Last year, there were 10 fatalities in NSW and nearly 533 people got injured during Christmas Holidays. We hope that our Holiday Driving Safety Tips will help you to make a little improvement in your road user behaviour and keep the holiday season safe for you, your family and other commuters.
Drink Driving
Alcohol affects your driving skills, moods and behaviour. Once it's been consumed the effects cannot be reversed. The only thing that will sober you up is time. Getting back to zero (sobering up), takes a long time. No amount of coffee, food, physical activity or sleep will speed up the process.
You don't have to be drunk to be affected by alcohol. You might feel normal but no one drives as well after drinking alcohol.
Novice drivers with any level of alcohol in their blood are at a much higher risk of crashing. This is why learner and provisional licence holders are restricted to a zero alcohol limit.
Driver Fatigue
When setting off on a long trip don't leave too early in the morning because your body clock believes you should still be asleep.
Have a 15 minute rest every two hours. On a long trip, especially in holiday season, there are nearly 1400 rest areas across NSW. You will see plenty of signs and warnings about STOP, REVIVE & SURVIVE - so please take advantage of them. Make this a habit if you are on long drives.
Keep an eye out for the signs of driver fatigue which are: yawning; sweaty hands; tired eyes; poor concentration; restlessness; drowsiness; boredom; slow reactions; and over-steering.
Tow Check
If towing a trailer or caravan, ensure:
  • good tyre condition and suitable tyre pressure (including spare)
  • towbar & towing equipment is secure
  • all electrical connections are secure and lights work correctly
  • trailer brakes work correctly
  • rear view mirrors are adjusted correctly
Distance between Your Car and the Car in FrontIt's a good idea to always keep a minimum three seconds gap between you and the car in front. When it's raining and/or foggy, double the distance to six seconds no matter what speed you're doing.
Smooth Driving
Don't rush into things. Plan ahead when driving. Make early decisions on braking and accelerating. Change gears and brake smoothly to avoid skidding. This will provide a smoother drive for yourself and your passengers while also providing less wear and tear on the vehicle and helping you save on fuel costs.
Keep Left Unless Overtaking
When driving on a dual lane road, always keep to the left lane. Use the right hand lane for overtaking; turning right or when roadworks are being carried out and there is no other choice.
Indicate Early
Always indicate when changing lanes, 30 metres wherever practical, to advise other motorists of what you are doing.
Expect the Unexpected
Drive with your line of sight parallel to the road, not looking down onto it. By doing this you see further into the distance so you can be better prepared if there is a problem ahead. It may even mean you can avoid a crash.
Overtaking
Ensure you have enough room to go past the vehicle you are overtaking and not cut them off. Pick your time carefully as overtaking can be quite dangerous and making the wrong decision may result in a serious crash.
Stopping before the Intersection
Always slow down coming to an intersection especially if you are towing a van. Your braking distance will be greater than when you're not towing, so make sure you allow for this. You must stop on a stop sign/line.
Driving at Night
Driving at night requires more skill and concentration than at daytime due to your restricted vision. Oncoming headlights can obscure your vision and pedestrians can be near impossible to see. Leave a bigger gap between you and the car in front to allow for your reduced vision and reaction time.
Road Rage
Stay relaxed and try not to let other people's driving skills or decisions worry you. If another driver makes a mistake, don't get angry; just concentrate on your own driving skills, behaviour and safety. If another driver is courteous towards you, then acknowledge the good deed with a wave.





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December 2, 2010

From Tragedy to Triumph

Watch our new online video "From Tragedy to Triumph" with inspirational ideas from Ken Marslew AM, CEO of Enough is Enough and music by Andy V "Turn Tragedy to Triumph" written especially for Enough is Enough. Find out some ways on how to turn the pain into the power and negative into positive. Thrive, don't just survive. Make a difference.








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November 18, 2010

Practical Strategies to Deal with Grief and Loss

Enough is Enough has commenced a Memory Book for those who have lost a loved one through traffic accident
Grief and loss as a result of trauma responses eg. sudden accidents, violent events or disasters is complex and requires special understanding. It can leave a feeling of disorientation and unreality for those grieving. The need to understand and make ‘meaning’ out of these traumatic events often becomes a priority.
Honouring the memory of a loved one is an important part of the grief process. Often there is an unconscious fear of forgetting the meaning the relationship held for us or the unique attributes of a person we have lost.
A way to honour our special memories can be by creating a ‘memory box’.
A ‘memory box’ is somewhere we can hold our treasured memories, perhaps of special photos and memorabilia, included stories or sayings that were part of your relationship with this person. By writing down as much as you can remember, favourite foods, favourite times, music, you create a sacred space to come back to. This is a place that ‘holds the special memories’ so you know they are safe and you can connect with them when you want. This can be an ongoing process as part of the grieving – a place to return to as you gradually remember the special memories of a loved one.
This process also brings into ‘reality’ the loss which can be particularly difficult after a traumatic or sudden loss.
An important part of integrating loss in these special circumstances is through the therapeutic process so that any symptoms of trauma can be understood. Meaning can be made by the retelling of the story.
- by Deborah, Enough is Enough Counsellor

Travelling down the memory lane
is not all black 'n white.
Travelling down the memory lane
is not all lacking light.

Travelling down the memory lane
is not eye filled with tears.
Travelling down the memory lane
brings fresh and soothing air.

Travelling down the memory lane
is a test of time and mind
Travelling down the memory lane
is a joy of it's kind.

__________________________
Enough is Enough proudly presents:
World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims
Sunday 21st November 2010
Hazelhurst Gallery Gardens at Gymea, Sydney
Start from 10 am
Come and Share This Day With Us
___________________________________







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November 11, 2010

Peacemaking

Peacemaking means nurturing harmony between individuals or groups of people. Peacemaking begins internally, with a hunger for peace and a basic assumption that the other party is an ordinary person or group with ordinary wants and needs, just like us. 


Peacemaking grows from the humble suspicion that our own perspective is limited and that there are truths we can discover if we listen. It requires flexibility of thought, a willingness to see many sides of an issue, to imagine ourselves in the situation of another party.

The greatest barrier to peacemaking is fear. Fear makes us see ourselves as victims or potential victims and blinds us to the harm that we ourselves have dome or the threat we pose to others. Embracing peacemaking doesn't mean that we always avoid conflict, but we recognize its real costs and weigh those costs as if they would be borne by ourselves and our loved ones. 

Peacemaking is a journey as well as destination.




http://www.wisdomcommons.org




__________________________
Enough is Enough proudly presents:
The object of the foundation is to promote practical peace strategies amongst young people, giving them the responsibility to deal the level of violence in today's society.
The project is dedicated to the memory of Michael Kenneth Marslew, 25th March, 1975 to 27th February 1994
___________________________________





November 3, 2010

Protecting Yourself - Your Personal Safety Plan

"Protecting yourself" is not isolated to warding off violent attacks. The benefits of self-defence training include protecting your physical health, your mental health and your emotional well-being.
It is important to be aware of and exercise your right to safety. Unfortunately, it is not a perfect world and your personal safety may be threatened. It’s a good idea to follow safety strategies so you are able to deal in a range of situations which we may find ourselves everyday as well as possible abusive, violence and bullying situations. It is also important that you acknowledge and respect that all people have the right to safety.
Everyone should have their own Personal Safety Plan. It consists of safety strategies you choose to suit your own lifestyle and abilities. The more you follow them and know that they work, the more they will become habits. It should not involve succumbing to a list of rules provided by another person.
The next 8 Core Concepts of Personal Safety which will help you develop your Personal Safety Plan .
1. Keep fear of violence in perspective
Many people have a fear of violent crime that is wildly disproportionate to its reality. This fear often results in unnecessary limitations being placed on your lifestyle. Education is the key to putting this fear into perspective. If you know the trends associated with personal violence offences, such as how often, when, where they occur and by whom, you can work out how likely it is that you would become a victim, and in what circumstances. If you follow practical safety strategies you can significantly minimise these risks.
This way, preventative strategies are based on the actual risk, rather than restricting your lifestyle based on an exaggerated fear.
2. Commitment
Being committed to your personal safety is fundamental to maintaining it. Many people have a strong commitment to keeping their loved ones safe, and are willing to do anything to protect them, but don’t have the same level of commitment to their own safety. Value yourself and keep yourself safe, by making safety strategies a part of your lifestyle.
3. Confidence
Confidence is a valuable tool in all you do. In the context of personal safety, having and displaying confidence plays a vital role. Offenders target people they see as vulnerable and the ones who would offer them the least resistance. So that vast majority of threats can be deterred if you appear to be confident and self-assured. A confident person is more likely to identify and implement preventative safety strategies; to have faith in their own abilities; and to take action if their personal safety is threatened. A person without confidence tends to be too scared to go out, diminishing their quality of life.
Having confidence is a source of power. And remember – if you don’t feel confident in any situation, fake it! Often visual imagery is a technique you can use to help you act sensibly under pressure. This means imagining yourself in a situation where you are using safety strategies successfully.
4. Body language
Body language is a powerful tool that you can use to your advantage. By appearing confident and comfortable in your surroundings, you decrease your attractiveness to potential offenders.
Strong, confident body language includes standing tall with your head up, shoulders back and walking with a purpose. Making brief eye contact with passers-by is also an effective method of demonstrating that you are not intimidated.
5. Awareness of surroundings
Being aware of what is happening around you will alert you to possible threats to your safety, before they reach you. This gives you the opportunity to remove yourself from the situation.
The key is to look relaxed and comfortable, rather than paranoid, thereby appearing “streetwise”. This decreases the likelihood of being targeted as a potential victim.
6. Trusting and acting on instincts
Your body senses danger long before your mind consciously works out why. It is vital you listen to, trust, and act on these instincts.
If you do sense danger or pick up “bad vibes” from someone, something or some place, leave immediately and go to a place where you feel safe.
7. Assertiveness
Assertive communication allows people to express their points of view objectively to reach an agreeable solution. It does not involve backing down (being passive) or standing over someone (being aggressive).
Assertive behaviour does not come naturally to most people. However, by practising assertiveness in handling minor matters, such as advising a shop assistant if you have been short-changed or sending back unsatisfactory food at a restaurant, you can enhance you ability to be assertive in other aspects of life.
In most day-to-day situations, you should be able to communicate assertively and confidently. But there may be occasions where acting either aggressively or passively will be the best way to keep safe.
8. Networks
Many people find it difficult to trust others with their feelings, experiences or concerns. Often those most in need of a trusted person to talk with, such as victims of domestic violence or people contemplating suicide, are the most isolated.
It is important to develop a network of people you trust and can contact for advice or assistance in an emergency, of if you feel your personal safety is threatened. They can include relatives, friends, community groups, neighbours and police. A supportive network also increases your confidence and self-esteem and can positively impact on all aspects of your life.

Example: Developing a 'Dealing with the Intimidator' Strategy
An intimidator controls you by making you fear him. He/she does this by using a variety methods like shouting, verbal abuse, accusing, and even threatening physical harm. If you look around and observe the relationships of your friends, relatives, co-workers, etc , you will see that some of them play the role of the intimidator. He/she can use control techniques because they play into your own fears and self doubts.

Your Basic Steps:
1. How to breathe
When you begin to feel scared, or even angry, try this easy breathing exercise:

  • Gently and slowly breathe in through the nose, to the count of three
  • Hold your breath to the count of six,then
  • breathe out through the mouth to the count of six
  • hold for three and keep repeating... in for 3, hold for 6, out for 6 & hold for 3.
When you maintain this constant cycle or rhythm of breathing, your awareness is being held on your breathing patterns instead on what the intimidator is doing.

2. Where to look


The intimidators are far less likely to pick on people who don't show them any fear, anger or judgment.



Even if you are feeling scared on the inside, your "Plain Eyes" will show your confidence in such difficult situation.
To show a bully your "Plain Eyes" it it important to keep looking at a special spot on the bad guy which changes depending on how far away they might be which is either on the:
  • Top lip of a bad guy when they are on the 'Neutral Zone'
  • Bridge of their nose when they are inside the 'Neutral Zone ' or
  • Skin of their lower eyelid if you are ever 'eyeball to eyeball' to a bad guy.

    3. What to say

    You need to gain an understanding of :
    1. His/her shouting and intimidations represent his/her own unhappiness. By recognizing this, you can understand that he/she 'owns the problem', and it has nothing to do with your actions.
    2.All of us need to overcome our different fears which have their basis in childhood (or in any other periods of our life) when a shouting and threatening parent (or other person) was a real threat for a number of many reasons. Even as full-grown adults, a shouting person may trigger off our subconscious reaction to a 'former similar' we experienced as young, overwhelmed children.
    Let him/her know clearly and strongly that you will no longer give in into his/her shouting and attempts to intimidate you. You can say: "I don't like the way you talk to me. Please stop". Allow him/her to calm down. When he/she calmed down, suggest that the two of you try again to discuss the subject. Let him/her know that you are willing to make compromises if he/she would just express his/her needs, honestly and clearly. Try to remember that he/she is living a life that may not be very satisfying and might welcome an opportunity to change.
    Depending on your's situation you can develop your own 'Dealing with the Intimidator' Strategy as a part of your Personal Safety Plan. We will appreciate if you'll share your thoughts with us.

    Resources:
    1. NSW The essential guide into adulthood.  www.smarthandbooks.com.au
    2. Be Safe in Your Space , Non-violent self-defence by Gary Simmons





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October 22, 2010

Domestic Violence and Abuse



Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.
Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.
Understanding domestic violence and abuse
Domestic abuse, also known asspousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.
Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.
Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help
Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.
Signs of an abusive relationship
There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.
To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship. 
SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Do you:
  • feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  • feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
  • believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  • wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  • feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does your partner:
  • humiliate or yell at you?
  • criticize you and put you down?
  • treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
  • ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
  • blame you for his/her own abusive behavior?
  • see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner:
  • have a bad and unpredictable temper?
  • hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
  • threaten to take your children away or harm them?
  • threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
  • force you to have sex?
  • destroy your belongings?
Does your partner:
  • act excessively jealous and possessive?
  • control where you go or what you do?
  • keep you from seeing your friends or family?
  • limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
  • constantly check up on you?
Physical abuse and domestic violence
When people talk about domestic violence, they are often referring to the physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner. Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.
Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse
Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, people whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.
It Is Still Abuse If . . .
  • The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women/men talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
  • The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he/she will continue to physically assault you.
  • The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
  • There has not been any physical violence. Many women/men are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.
Emotional abuse: It’s a bigger problem than you think
When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women/men who have been physically assaulted. But not all abusive relationships involve violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlooked—even by the person being abused.
Understanding emotional abuse
The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence.
If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.
Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don’t do what they want.
You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so.
Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse
Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so. Economic or financial abuse includes:
  • Rigidly controlling your finances.
  • Withholding money or credit cards.
  • Making you account for every penny you spend.
  • Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
  • Restricting you to an allowance.
  • Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
  • Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
  • Stealing from you or taking your money.
Violent and abusive behavior is the abuser’s choice
Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.
Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:
  • Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.
  • Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
  • Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
  • Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
  • Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
  • Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.
Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time.
  • Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.
  • Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.
  • Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).
  • Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show. Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show.
The cycle of violence in domestic abuse
Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:
  • Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
  • Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's/she's done. He’s/she's more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
  • Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for theabusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.
  • "Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything heor she can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He or she may act as if nothing has happened, or he or she may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
  • Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He or she spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he or she makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
  • Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he/she can justify abusing you.
Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He/she may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

Recognizing the warning signs of domestic violence and abuse
It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of emotional abuse and domestic violence. If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.
General warning signs of domestic abuse
People who are being abused may:
  • Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.
  • Go along with everything their partner says and does.
  • Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.
  • Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner.
  • Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.
Warning signs of physical violence
People who are being physically abused may:
  • Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”
  • Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation.
  • Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).
Warning signs of isolation
People who are being isolated by their abuser may:
  • Be restricted from seeing family and friends.
  • Rarely go out in public without their partner.
  • Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.
The psychological warning signs of abuse
People who are being abused may:
  • Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.
  • Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn).
  • Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.
Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.
Do's and Don't's
Do:
  • Ask if something is wrong.
  • Express concern.
  • Listen and validate.
  • Offer help.
  • Support his or her decisions.
Don’t:
  • Wait for him or her to come to you.
  • Judge or blame.
  • Pressure him or her.
  • Give advice.
  • Place conditions on your support.
Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can.
Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

Enough is Enough thanks for this article HelpGuide.org. Understand, Prevent & Resolve Challenges





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October 7, 2010

Nonviolent Peace Building

Enough is Enough participated at the "Other Ways: Growing Alternatives to Violence" Program at Strathfield on 24 Sept. to celebrate Australian achievements over the past 10 years . The participants shared their experiences of active peacemaking together and affirmed the learnings of Decade to Overcome Violence (2001-2010) in Australia.
" ‘It has been immensely encouraging to celebrate Australian achievements over the past 10 years’, said Doug Hewitt, convener of the organising committee,achievements such as the National Apology to the Stolen Generations, hard-won improvements in welcoming asylum seekers, the growth of inter-religious relationships, developing ecological awareness, and the unprecedented scale of the peace movement at moments such as the build up to war with Iraq. But in all those areas where we celebrate improvements, we recognise we still need to do better. At the end of a decade which began with the September 11 attack on the USA and ends with our troops still in quagmire in Afghanistan, it seems however that Australian governments and opinion shapers are still slow to recognise the truth that violent methods only breed further violence.’
In the wake of the recent UN human rights panel’s comments and the visit of the ‘Living Letters’ team of the World Council of Churches to Northern Territory Aboriginal communities, the racist ‘dog-whistling’ of the Federal election and the continued lack of progress in Afghanistan, the Middle East, and on climate change, the ‘Other Ways’ participants particularly call on Australian authorities:
to replace the failed Northern Territory Intervention with genuine Aboriginal participation and self-determination
to respond to the Australian Catholic Bishops’ call for a bipartisan approach by national leaders to end demonisation of asylum seekers and to meet Australia’s responsibilities to the vulnerable of our world
to set a deadline for withdrawal of Australian troops from Afghanistan
to promote actively the UN resolutions on Palestine-Israel
to act with maximum urgency in implementing the clear wish of the Australian public for substantial climate change measures
to promote peace education at all levels of Australian society.
The keynote speakers at the ‘Other Ways’ gathering were Claudette Werleigh, secretary general Pax Christi International, and past Prime Minister of Haiti; Sister Susan Connelly, Mary MacKillop East Timor Mission from Sydney, and Azim Khamisa, founder and teacher of “Achieving Peace through Forgiveness” from the USA.
The event was jointly organised by the NSW Ecumenical Council, the Columban Mission Institute, the Edmund Rice Network, the Franciscan Friars, Pace e Bene Australia, Pax Christi Australia, Uniting Care NSW.ACT, and the National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Ecumenical Commission.” (1)
(1) http://sjaroundthebay.org/?p=1744 Media Statement


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September 1, 2010

8 Secrets to a Strong and Happy Family

The family is the basic social unit of society. It is in the family that we first learn to play, to share, to help and to love. Some families effectively prepare kids to be strong and resilient, teaching them on how to cope with life’s frustrations and inevitable problems; others do not.
All families have challenges and weaknesses. But some families use key strengths to grow and prosper. Years of research have found that strong families cultivate 8 important traits that are found in the majority of strong, happy families. Here are the traits that are essential to a strong, happy family. Where is your family now? If your family is strong in a certain area, put plus in the box, if it is weak, put a minus, and if it doesn’t exist, put a zero. Then, try to turn the minuses into pluses!
1. Commitment: One for All, and All for One
The most important trait in strong, happy families is commitment. Commitment to the family – putting the family first – and commitment to each individual in the family in helping him or her become everything he or she can be. Commitment to the family – investing time and energy in family activities and not letting work or other priorities take too much time away from family interaction. In short, family life is priority.

A winning attitude is “I’ll forgo my own immediate gratification to help a child or a mate succeed, because I know the personal joy that I experience when I help another family member.”


2. Effective Communication: The Basis for All Family Strength
It’s hard to believe that the amount of high-quality communication time could be only 10 minutes per week, as one study found. Because you are product of your experience, each day you are a new person. Without taking and listening to each other family members can soon become strangers. To understand each other, a family has to be willing to invest the time necessary to share their feelings and opinions. Strong families are often task-oriented in their communications, identifying problems and discussing how to solve them together.
Have regular family meetings. Family meetings help us give proper attention to our family. They provide a forum of discussion for family issues, and an opportunity to plan for family time.

3. Appreciation and Affection: Do not Afraid to Express Your Love
A number of years ago a survey was done among women asking what they considered men’s worst faults. “Lack of appreciation” was the most frequent response. Do you let your children and mate know they’re appreciated? Can they tell by the way you treat them that you think they are pretty special? Strong families focus on the strengths of each other – not the faults.
If you think your family needs improvement in this area, try serving a compliment with each meal – at least 3 times a day. “ I really like the way you...” “You are special to me because...” “One of the things I like best about you is...” “You make me happy when you...” “You have a real talent when it comes to...” “ I love you ..” “You make me proud when....”” You make me feel wonderful when you...”

4. Time Together – Enjoy Being Together
One study of 1,500 schoolchildren asked, “What do you think makes a happy family?” Few replied that money, cars, fancy homes, or Disney World made a happy family . Most children said that a happy family is one that does things together, and that genuinely enjoys the times family members share with each other.
Plan time together. Schedule it. Play together, read together, travel together, walk together, and enjoy leisurely times together. Don’t let jobs, school, or personal hobbies steal family time.

5. Spiritual Well-Being /Religion - “the family that prays together stays together.”
People in strong families describe this concept in a variety of ways: some talk about faith in God, hope, or a sense of optimism in life. Other talk about their families in almost religious terms. Other expresses these kinds of feelings in terms of ethical values and commitment to important causes. “Spiritual well –being can be seen as the caring centre within each individual that promotes sharing, love and compassion. It is a feeling or force that helps people transcends themselves and their day-to-day stressors, and focus on that which is sacred to them in life.”(2) A spiritual connection provides sense of purpose in life, direction, and perspective.

6. Successful Management of Stress and Crisis
Healthy families aren’t problem-free; they just admit to problems and get the help they need to solve them! The longer a problem drags on without a solution, the more discouraging family life becomes. Don’t allow this to happen! If you wait it can destroy you – and your family. Keep searching for answers. Keep reaching out!
Strengthening Families in Times of Crisis by Stephen R.Covey (3):
“There are three things that I encourage everyone to do with their families in good times or bad:
1. Write a family mission statement – identify what kind of family you want to be. For instance, what qualities define your family, what kinds of feeling do you want in your home, how do you want to build relationships? Get everyone involved in these questions and write something that describes your family and how you want to be.
2. Hold weekly family meetings – gather your family once a week to talk about issues, problems or good things in your family. Refer to your mission statement to see how you are doing. Enjoy this time together; do something fun.
3. Remember the emotional bank account – similar to a bank account, you can make deposits or withdrawals from each of your family relationships. Make a conscious effort to make meaningful deposits in your relationships. When you make a withdrawal, apologize and correct the mistake.

As you do these things, you will find your relationships strengthened in your family. You will take control of your life and your family’s life rather than being tossed away by the storms of problems or crises that come your way and your family will be your greatest source of strength and support.
We highly recommend to read:
5 Building Blocks of Active Parenting

7. Common Interests and Goals – Your Own Family Rhythm
The more that family members have in common, the more they tend to do together. Having similar interests and developing common goals gives the family something to look forward to, to plan toward, and to experience together. A vacation is a great example. The planning of it sometimes is almost more enjoyable than the actual vacation!
The healthiest families are also open to change. They have routines, rituals, and traditions that give direction, meaning, and structure to the daily flow of life. They have learned to adapt to the changing needs of their family. They grow with the times and one another. From both the past and the present grow new traditions and new rhythms. The harmony and rhythm may change in creative ways, but the beauty of the music continues.

8. Play and A Sense of Humour
Happy families have fun together; they laugh together. Having a sense of humour during tense, troublesome moments is like pouring oil on boiling water. It defuses the tension and has an immediate calming effect.

Happy Family Journey!




Resources:
1. Joycelyn Tucker Burgo, Kids and SELF-ESTEEM
2. Stinnett and DeFrain, The Family Strengths Model

3. Stephen R. Covey , Strengthening Families in Times of Crisis
4. Kay Kuzma, What makes a strong, happy family? - Essential traits for happiness

Related articles:
   How You Parent?    My Out-of-Control Teen


August 26, 2010

Ten Strategies in School Bullying Prevention & Intervention

School bullying was the target of a two-day Bullying Prevention Summit in Washington, USA on 11-12 Aug 2010. The bullying summit, which was being attended by government officials as well as superintendents, researchers, corporate leaders and students, looked to come up with a national plan to reduce and end bullying in schools.
Dr Susan Limber presented at this summit, where she outlined 10 best strategies that represent “best practices” in bullying prevention. The following extract was taken from the website www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov and represents Susan’s research and experience in this area. Below this extract is some information about Enough is Enough’s latest program to address bullying in our schools and the community. We invite you to share your thoughts with us.
Susan P. Limber is director of the Centre on Youth Participation and Human Rights and professor of psychology at Clemson University. Dr. Limber's research and writing have focused on legal and psychological issues related to youth violence (particularly bullying among children), child protection, and children's rights. She directed the first wide-scale implementation and evaluation of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program in the United States.
Bullying is aggressive behaviour that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength.
Often, it is repeated over time and can take many forms. In many respects, research on bullying prevention is still in its infancy. Although researchers have documented success of some comprehensive programs in reducing bullying, we still have much to learn about which aspects of these programs are most important.
However, a review of existing bullying prevention programs and feedback from educators in the field led us to suggest ten strategies that represent “best practices” in bullying prevention and intervention.

1. Focus on the social environment of the school
To reduce bullying, it is important to change the climate of the school and the social norms with regard to bullying. It must become “uncool” to bully, “cool” to help out students who are bullied, and normative for staff and students to notice when a child is bullied or left out. This requires the efforts of everyone in the school environment–teachers, administrators, counsellors, other non-teaching staff (such as bus drivers, nurses, school resource officers, custodians, cafeteria workers, and school librarians), parents, and students.

2. Assess bullying at your school
Intuitively adults are not always very good at estimating the nature and extent of bullying at their school. Frequently we are quite surprised by the amount of bullying that students experience, the types of bullying that are most common, or the “hot spots” where bullying happens. As a result, it is often quite useful to assess bullying by administering an anonymous questionnaire to students about bullying. What are the possible benefits of conducting a survey of students?
  • Findings can help motivate adults to take action against bullying;
  •  Data can help administrators and other educators tailor a bullying prevention strategy to the particular needs of the school; and
  • Data can serve as a baseline from which administrators and other educators can measure their progress in reducing bullying.
3. Garner staff and parent support for bullying prevention
Bullying prevention should not be the sole responsibility of an administrator, counsellor, teacher–or any single individual at a school. To be most effective, bullying prevention efforts require buy-in from the majority of the staff and from parents.

4. Form a group to coordinate the school's bullying prevention activities
Bullying prevention efforts seem to work best if they are coordinated by a representative group from the school. This coordinating team (which might include an administrator, a teacher from each grade, a member of the non-teaching staff, a school counsellor or other school-based mental health professional, a school nurse, and a parent) should meet regularly to digest data from the school survey described in Strategy 2; plan bullying prevention rules, policies, and activities; motivate staff, students, and parents; and ensure that the efforts continue over time. A student advisory group also can be formed to focus on bullying prevention and provide valuable suggestions and feedback to adults.

5. Train your staff in bullying prevention
All administrators, faculty, and staff at your school should be trained in bullying prevention and intervention. In-service training can help staff to better understand the nature of bullying and its effects, how to respond if they observe bullying, and how to work with others at the school to help prevent bullying from occurring. Training should not be available only for teaching staff. Rather, administrators should make an effort to educate all adults in the school environment who interact with students (including counsellors, media specialists, school resource officers, nurses, lunchroom and recess aides, bus drivers, parent volunteers, custodians, and cafeteria workers).

6. Establish and enforce school rules and policies related to bullying
Although many school behaviour codes implicitly forbid bullying, many codes do not use the term or make explicit our expectations for student behaviour. It is important to make clear that the school not only expects students not to bully, but that it also expects them to be good citizens, not passive bystanders, if they are aware of bullying or students who appear troubled, possibly from bullying. Developing simple, clear rules about bullying can help to ensure that students are aware of adults' expectations that they refrain from bullying and help students who are bullied. 
For example, one comprehensive program, the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program (see resources section on the Web site) recommends that schools adopt four straightforward rules about bullying:• We will not bully others.
• We will try to help students who are bullied.
• We will make it a point to include students who are easily left out.• If we know someone is being bullied, we will tell an adult at school and an adult at home.
School rules and policies should be posted and discussed with students and parents. Appropriate positive and negative consequences also should be developed for following or not following the school's rules.

7. Increase adult supervision in hot spots where bullying occurs
Bullying tends to thrive in locations where adults are not present or are not vigilant. Once school personnel have identified hot spots for bullying from the student questionnaires, look for creative ways to increase adults' presence in these locations.

8. Intervene consistently and appropriately in bullying situations
All staff should be able to intervene effectively on the spot to stop bullying (i.e., in the 1–2 minutes that one frequently has to deal with bullying). Designated staff should also hold sensitive follow-up meetings with children who are bullied and (separately) with children who bully. Staff should involve parents of affected students whenever possible.

9. Focus some class time on bullying prevention
It is important that bullying prevention programs include a classroom component. Teachers (with the support of administrators) should set aside 20–30 minutes each week (or every other week) to discuss bullying and peer relations with students. These meetings help teachers to keep their fingers on the pulse of students' concerns, allow time for candid discussions about bullying and the harm that it can cause, and provide tools for students to address bullying problems. Anti-bullying themes and messages also can be incorporated throughout the school curriculum.

10. Continue these efforts over time
There should be no “end date” for bullying prevention activities. Bullying prevention should be woven into the entire school environment.




Enough is Enough has launched the new bullying resiliency program in  schools, known as Positive Solutions. 
It is a multi-session program designed to tackle bullying in and outside the school. While it targets bullying behaviour, its outcomes can extend beyond the positive classroom to develop more robust and resilient students and community citizens. Ken Rigby, one of the most famous Australian anti-bullying experts, has contributed to the content of this project. 
Ken Rigby is an Adjunct Research Professor and an educational consultant based at the University of South Australia.Over the last ten years he has become a leading authority on bullying and peer victimisation with more than 100 refereed papers and other publications. His book "Bullying in schools and what to do about it" has been published in Australia, the UK and North America and is regarded as a standard text.
The following extract from Active Education Magazine(1) outlines  Rigby's three broad approaches that schools use in responding to bullying.
Moralistic approach

 This involves an assumption that the perpetrator of aggression is doing the wrong thing deliberately. It involves confronting the aggressor with the values of the school, an insistence upon apologies, the employment of consequences and often the involvement of parents. While it can work, it does not necessarily actively engage the aggressor and can result in a bully cynically acquiescing to demands while planning to get back at the victim in more indirect ways.

Legalistic approach

 This involves a set of rules and predetermined sanctions for breaking them. It involves no moralising but simply the consistent application of a policy. Advantages include the clear communication of expectations and the relative speed with which the policy can be implemented in individual cases. Students and parents are often involved in establishing the policy and this can make the enforcement of the rules more acceptable. Some schools have taken the underlying legal philosophy further by establishing "bully courts", including mock trials involving perpetrators, victims and witnesses, and the handing down of verdicts and relevant punishments. While the legalistic approach has been very successful, critics argue that it does not necessarily engage the perpetrators, who may still seek revenge on the victim and/or witnesses.

Humanistic approach

 Humanism views peoples basically good and having the capacity to do the right thing when they are trusted, respected and encouraged. The best-known humanistic method of dealing with bullying is the Method of Shared Concern, developed by Anatol Pikas, which sees bullies and victims invited to a series of individual and group meetings to draw up a plan for behaviour change that is followed up on to ensure it is carried out. Opinion on the efficacy of this method is divided, with critics deriding it as naive and idealistic. It very much depends on the skills of the teachers involved.

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Enough is Enough proudly presents:

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Resources:
1. Professor Larry Owens, PhD, Aggression in schools and What to do about it. Active Education Magazine, June 2010, p 20
2. Bullying Prevention Summit 2010, USA: http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/osdfs/bullyingagenda.pdf

3. www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov